A friend of mine who has nervously just started on the online dating scene asked me this question…..
“What do I say to get the conversation started?”
I like to do one of two things…..
1. Comment on something that I have read in the profile, and also ask an open ended question so he needs to respond, eg….Hi, I think we may some common interests, I like to snow ski also, where do you usually go to ski?
That should get the conversation flowing, I also like to ask if they are looking for something casual or exploring the chance of a relationship……that way you know up front where you stand. You will probably get asked the same question in return. Be honest as there is no use saying you want a relationship when really you just want to start dating….you can explain you have not been on the site for long and are new to it, everyone has been in your position before so don’t be shy.
2. If there is no profile description, as is the case on some Tinder profiles, I usually start with a compliment about the photo eg. What a great smile you have……….or a basic opener is “Hi, how are you today?” …..then you can follow with questions such as…..How long have you been on here for? Have you had many dates? How did they go? What do you do for fun? Do you have children, if so how old?
Men DO NOT like being asked how tall they are, if they over 6′ they don’t care, but men under that seem to have an issue with women asking them. I recently had a guy send me a response of ” Why are you women so shallow and want to know height???, it shouldn’t matter, every woman asks that question, it is annoying!!” (he was obviously short!) , so I tend to wait until I have maybe moved on to texting or talking on the phone and say something like, Do you mind if I ask your height? I am 5’9″…that way you are telling them about you and they feel obliged to tell you, the same goes for personal questions such as what do you do for work? I am a teacher , or how old are your children? I have a boy 19 and a girl 18, Where do you live?….I always pick a well known suburb close to me and say for example” Malvern area.”
I try to show my personality in my responses so they get a feel for who I am and also what I am looking for. I don’t want to waste my time going to meet someone for coffee if I find out he has no job, missing teeth (mouth closed in pic), and 4 kids from 3 different women (that has happened to me btw, a story for another time! 🙂 )
So don’t be afraid to ask what you want to know and what is important to you. You also need to consider what is unacceptable to you, what are the deal breakers….for me it is if they are a smoker, I wont meet them at all.
It is funny though…….what my deal breakers were 11 years ago have probably halved as I realised I was being too harsh and the deal breakers really weren’t deal breakers, so don’t have too many expectations, but don’t lower your standards either. When the right guy comes along, even if only for a short period of time there is nothing better than butterflies in the stomach and the excitement of receiving a text or call from him.
So many times I have been on dates and thought after the first date….hmmmm there is something about him, I need to see him again…….usually after the second or even third date you will know if there is some chemistry there, don’t try to force it, and remember, once men are over the age of 35 or even 30,( if they have been married), you CANNOT change him! You have to accept this guy for who he is now as he is who he is, just like you are who you are and will not change either, nor should you! 🙂
Happy Dating! 🙂