I remember I had my first date with a man around 6 months after my husband and I separated, It went well, spoke on the phone, had a coffee date and I must say I thought to myself “Well, the grass IS greener!”
The guy I met was the first guy I had spoken to on RSVP in fact I was scrolling through the site and his profile caught my eye, and he was the reason I signed up so I could send him a “Kiss”. The thing I loved back then was I felt like I was at an all you can eat smorgasbord!!! haha…All these single men, photos, descriptions, yes, yes, no, yes ….wow, couldn’t believe it could be this easy to meet someone, should have left my ex ages ago! (jokes on that)…..There was a lot of lessons I learnt from this one guy, and one of the things was that all men react differently!
I was so naïve, having been with my husband from such a young age, I just expected all men to talk like him, have the same responses, like to do most of the blokey things that he liked to do…….WRONG! I was completely shocked when this guy was responding to things I said, differently to how I expected, how my ex would have reacted…this was one thing that I found hard to wrap my head around that all men are different. And they think us women are complicated! Pfftt…that has certainly changed in my eyes, at least (most) women are complicated in the SAME way! Men are complicated in all different ways- these are some of the confusing comments I have heard, don’t want to be told what to do- like to be told what to do, if they are romantic, don’t hold my hand in public- No! hold my hand, I will always pay for dinner- You should pay for dinner, Cant wait to go on a holiday with you- I never said that, Lets be monogamous- I certainly didn’t say that, WTF and WE are complicated?? Sometimes I think my head is spinning that much I am going to become Regan in the Exorcist!!! ( I think some men I have dated think I am her anyway!!! hahaha)
I had my best girlfriend staying with me, and she coincidently split with her husband the same time as me, we decided to go out to a bar one night, we were having drinks when these two brothers came up to us, this was really my first encounter with someone trying to “pick me up” we were talking to them, as well as we could, they were Swedish tourists who couldn’t speak English!! It was a stinking hot evening, and we decided we were going back home for a swim in my pool, the tourist brothers decided to come back to, I was so nervous, why would anyone think I am attractive, I’m old I’m 37, no one would want an old hag like me….this is how I felt, and to get attention from these two young guys was so flattering, albeit we couldn’t understand them! haha, so they came back for a swim too and one thing led to another and my girlfriend disappeared with the older brother, he was 29! I was left with the cute 25 year old….my head was spinning, this is flattering, but he is so young, I tried to tell him my age and I have no idea if he understood, I wasn’t going to see him again, he was leaving Australia….so anyway it happened!! It was the worst sex I had ever had!!!
But to realise that I was attractive to a man who was so much younger just gave me the ego boost I needed and my girlfriend felt the same way! We were then unstoppable!!!! haha Fun Time Not a Long Time!
Anyway, back to my first date, he was 32 and I was nearly 38, I thought at that stage that I wanted to get straight into a relationship, isn’t that what you are meant to do? I had been in and out of relationships since I was 16, I was ready to get back on that horse again! However, 6 years younger, he was a part time model, widower, gorgeous to look at, (with my experience on internet dating alarm bells would have been going off on these things- I will explain this in later blogs) however he was so nice, kind, and said everything I wanted to hear, and I thought to myself, fore sure I could be in a relationship with this guy, I could easily wake up next to him for the rest of my life!
He didn’t take me out for dinner, just always wanted to come to my house when my kids were at my ex’s, smooch on the couch, and of course gradually lead to what all men want…sex, the thing about this guy that surprised me was his smooth operation, he told me he was a widower, even showed me photos of his sick ex, and told me he was nervous to be with someone else as he hadn’t been with anyone else since her passing 12 months earlier. Of course I was the sympathetic ear, and felt so much for him, then I went to the bathroom, walked back to the lounge and he wasn’t there, here he was NAKED on my bed with his hand under his head lying on his side just waiting for me!!!! WTF, so much for being nervous!!!!
And seeing as I had already broken the ice with the young tourist I was up for the challenge!!! haha….at least he was a tad older!
So of course because we had sex, I thought he liked me and wanted a relationship, wrong, he called me a couple of times, was meant to come over for dinner, I offered to cook , didn’t show, and then I didn’t hear from him again….I was devastated and couldn’t believe that this nice man would do that! Not so nice!!!…Today I would recognise that he wanted just one thing, back then I thought it was a relationship, but like a lot of men, he wanted a Fun Time, Not A Long Time!
I don’t think there is anything wrong with it, and my personal opinion is ,when you get out of a long term serious relationship, you need to get out, let your hair down, feel wanted & attractive, and have different experiences, safely. Its not for everyone, and you need to understand to NOT get attached, Fun Time NOT a Long Time!
Happy Dating! 🙂