“FUN TIME! NOT A LONG TIME!”

I remember I had my first date with a man around 6 months after my husband and I separated, It went well, spoke on the phone, had a coffee date and I must say I thought to myself “Well, the grass IS greener!”

The guy I met was the first guy I had spoken to on RSVP in fact I was scrolling through the site and his profile caught my eye, and he was the reason I signed up so I could send him a “Kiss”. The thing I loved back then was I felt like I was at an all you can eat smorgasbord!!! haha…All these single men, photos, descriptions, yes, yes, no, yes ….wow, couldn’t believe it could be this easy to meet someone, should have left my ex ages ago! (jokes on that)…..There was a lot of lessons I learnt from this one guy, and one of the things was that all men react differently!thC4NLP9KR

I was so naïve, having been with my husband from such a young age, I just expected all men to talk like him, have the same responses, like to do most of the blokey things that he liked to do…….WRONG! I was completely shocked when this guy was responding to things I said, differently to how I expected, how my ex would have reacted…this was one thing that I found hard to wrap my head around that all men are different. And they think us women are complicated! Pfftt…that has certainly changed in my eyes, at least (most) women are complicated in the SAME way! Men are complicated in all different ways- these are some of the confusing comments I have heard,  don’t want to be told what to do- like to be told what to do, if they are romantic, don’t hold my hand in public- No! hold my hand, I will always pay for dinner- You should pay for dinner, Cant wait to go on a holiday with you- I never said that, Lets be monogamous- I certainly didn’t say that, WTF and WE are complicated?? Sometimes I think my head is spinning that much I am going to become Regan in the Exorcist!!! ( I think some men I have dated think I am her anyway!!! hahaha)

I had my best girlfriend staying with me, and she coincidently split with her husband the same time as me, we decided to go out to a bar one night, we were having drinks when these two brothers came up to us, this was really my first encounter with someone trying to “pick me up” we were talking to them, as well as we could, they were Swedish tourists who couldn’t speak English!! It was a stinking hot evening, and we decided we were going back home for a swim in my pool, the tourist brothers decided to come back to, I was so nervous, why would anyone think I am attractive, I’m old I’m 37, no one would want an old hag like me….this is how I felt, and to get attention from these two young guys was so flattering, albeit we couldn’t understand them! haha, so they came back for a swim too and one thing led to another and my girlfriend disappeared with the older brother, he was 29! I was left with the cute 25 year old….my head was spinning, this is flattering, but he is so young, I tried to tell him my age and I have no idea if he understood, I wasn’t going to see him again, he was leaving Australia….so anyway it happened!! It was the worst sex I had ever had!!!

But to realise that I was attractive to a man who was so much younger just gave me the ego boost I needed and my girlfriend felt the same way! We were then unstoppable!!!! haha    Fun Time Not a Long Time!243891-funny-taylor-swift-dating-joke

Anyway, back to my first date, he was 32 and I was nearly 38, I thought at that stage that I wanted to get straight into a relationship, isn’t that what you are meant to do? I had been in and out of relationships since I was 16, I was ready to get back on that horse again! However, 6 years younger, he was a part time model, widower, gorgeous to look at, (with my experience on internet dating alarm bells would have been going off on these things- I will explain this in later blogs) however he was so nice, kind, and said everything I wanted to hear, and I thought to myself, fore sure I could be in a relationship with this guy, I could easily wake up next to him for the rest of my life!

He didn’t take me out for dinner, just always wanted to come to my house when my kids were at my ex’s, smooch on the couch, and of course gradually lead to what all men want…sex, the thing about this guy that surprised me was his smooth operation, he told me he was a widower, even showed me photos of his sick ex, and told me he was nervous to be with someone else as he hadn’t been with anyone else since her passing 12 months earlier. Of course I was the sympathetic ear, and felt so much for him, then I went to the bathroom, walked back to the lounge and he wasn’t there, here he was NAKED on my bed with his hand under his head lying on his side just waiting for me!!!! WTF, so much for being nervous!!!!

And seeing as I had already broken the ice with the young tourist I was up for the challenge!!! haha….at least he was a tad older!

So of course because we had sex, I thought he liked me and wanted a relationship, wrong, he called me a couple of times, was meant to come over for dinner, I offered to cook , didn’t show, and then I didn’t hear from him again….I was devastated and couldn’t believe that this nice man would do that! Not so nice!!!…Today I would recognise that he wanted just one thing, back then I thought it was a relationship, but like a lot of men,  he wanted a Fun Time, Not A  Long Time!untitled

I don’t think there is anything wrong with it, and my personal opinion is ,when you get out of a long term serious relationship, you need to get out, let your hair down, feel wanted & attractive, and have different experiences, safely. Its not for everyone, and you need to understand to NOT get attached, Fun Time NOT a Long Time!

 

Happy Dating! 🙂

“WHEN SHOULD YOU MEET?”

After Internet Dating for nearly 14 years, ( on and off by the way, I am not a complete serial dater, however my friends may think differently! 🙂 ) I have tried many different ways – chat online then meet in a couple of days, chat online then meet straight away, chat online, text and phone for weeks before meeting….so many different scenarios and which one is the best one?

Through Trial and many Errors this is the way I find best :

Chat online, text on mobile, talk on mobile, then meet – I prefer to do all of this, if possible within 2-3 days and no longer than a week, and I will tell you why shortly.

I have a close girlfriend who has been Internet Dating around 8 years, we talk every couple of days and always have “war stories” for each other. Early days of Internet dating she never wanted to take my advice, to meet within 3 days, she preferred to build rapport, gauge a sense of who they are before she felt comfortable to meet, this banter would go on for weeks as she would wait for him to ask her out, did she get asked out? Yes sometimes and sometimes not. Most of the time she was left feeling disillusioned and disappointed, let me tell you why……keyboard

When we speak to someone we haven’t met before we conjure up in our mind how we imagine them to be in person. The more you speak with them on message or text the more you will think they are amazing, then when you hear his or her voice you can sometimes be let down. I was messaging with a handsome 6’3″, 46 year old man who was fit, great physique, big arms & shoulders, just what I like, he sounded lovely by message and I thought all my Christmases had come at once…until I heard his voice on the phone…..he sounded like a girl! Very high pitched and it completely changed the way I saw him. Is this shallow? Maybe it is, but I imagined him to have the deepest, sexiest, mucho voice and I was disappointed, but disappointed in myself in not talking to him earlier. I did meet him for coffee and he was lovely and I didn’t even worry about the sound of his voice in person, he just wasn’t right for me.

So we chat online, text on mobile, then talk on mobile , all is sounding great so why not meet? You may want to keep talking to feel comfortable, like my girlfriend – (who by the way, through experience, now meets within 2-3 days!) there maybe extenuating circumstances as to why you cant meet such as work, kids, etc. But, if you cannot find the time to meet within a week, do you or they, really have time to date?

I like to get to the point quite quickly, life is too short to waste on the wrong guy,  after the initial banter – see my blog – “What to say to get the conversation started” – if they don’t suggest to text or phone I will, I will send a text and after texting will ask if they mind if I call. Some men do not wish to be too forward, but I want to be in control of the situation I don’t want it to drag out, so I will even suggest to meet for a coffee if they don’t suggest it first. date3

One experience I had in the early days, within the first 6 months, of Internet Dating I was chatting online and on the phone to a man who sounded amazing, we had similar values, we laughed, we talked on the phone for hours, we had so much in common but he lived an hour from me. He had his kids every 2nd weekend, and had to go away for work, so this meant we were talking on the phone for over 3 weeks before we met! Over the three weeks of talking, this guy was like a knight in shining armour to me, he was my prince, the man who was going to be the one I would live happily ever after with, I was so excited to meet him!

We arranged to meet at a café, he drove the hour to see me, and we both discussed that if things were going well the date would go into lunch. I was expecting this to happen and even roll into dinner too as he was going “to be the one”!!!!

I was sitting at an outdoor table at the café , and I saw a man walk around the corner around 20 metres away, and I was saying to myself …please let this NOT be him, PLEASE let this not be him, he was hunched over when he was walking, not this strong Knight I was imagining, he had made no effort in his appearance and wore a crinkled T-shirt, and shorts that looked like they were 2 sizes too small and to top this off he was wearing socks with sandals!!!!  (please remember, this guy was 35 at the time, not my dads age!!)….yes you can change a mans dress sense, but this wasn’t what I was imagining after 3 weeks of phone conversation!……….Hi…Its You!!! 😦 😦 😦

I knew as soon as I saw him that I was not physically attracted to him, yes more shallow Miss T, but the physical attraction has to be there too!! Suffice to say, we did have coffee that evolved to lunch as we had awesome conversation, but that was it, and I never heard from him again.

My lesson learnt – Why waste time on the wrong guy? Chat online, Text on mobile, Chat on Phone then Meet – If you connect then amazing, if not……..NEXT! 🙂 🙂

Happy chatting 🙂

 

I’M BACK IN THE SADDLE!

23749-Hand-HoldingAfter a 12 month relationship and an 18mth illness I thought it was time to get back on here and inform you gals (and guys) what has been happening, my apologies for being away so long!

As the title says, I am back in the saddle, back on the dating sites, back having coffee dates, lunch dates, flirting, getting butterflies again and then getting frustrated….how many emotions can you go through in one day?? Lol

I will step back to 2015 when I stopped writing…the reason…I met a lovely man on Tinder.

Yes it is possible to have a relationship off Tinder! Not all men on there are looking just for “fun” (short for sex!), some are looking for more (short for lets see how this progresses).

I met him by chance, a lazy Saturday night at home by myself, watching Netflix with a glass of wine and flicking through Tinder in boredom! Don’t get me wrong I love spending time at home on my own, but I also need some amusement and stimulation and I usually get one or the other from Tinder!

Amusement is sometimes seeing the crude photos that are put up, the couples on there looking for a woman to join them, men dressed as women, married men showing only their naked torso trying to entice us, and of course that same old photo.. men petting a tiger in Thailand!

The stimulation is sometimes having a mutual match with a man who actually converses with you and doesn’t drop off the face of the earth, (a term now called Ghosting, but that will be explained at a later date in detail, as you will come across it, if you haven’t already!)

So I had a mutual match with a man from interstate who was visiting my home town of Melbourne, we chatted and decided to meet for a coffee in the morning before he left for the airport. Unfortunately I misunderstood the time he was flying home, he told me 10 and I “assumed” it was 10 at night, but it was 10am and while I was having a lovely Sunday morning sleep- in he was messaging me asking if I was still coming!

So we continued to chat for another 3 weeks, which is very much against my own rule, of meeting quickly to either see if there is a physical connection or move on to the next! He was so besotted he decided to drive down and stay the weekend to meet me! (in a hotel, not with me!) I was very flattered and excited however the night before he was tolaughing-man-and-woman arrive I started to panic….he is driving all this way to meet me, what if I don’t like him, he is here for 3 days and expecting to do things together, what have I got myself into????

Another spanner in the works…..a guy I had been seeing on and off for 12 months, who I had thought was the love of my life, and he broke my heart, contacted me the night before my man was coming down to see me,  declaring his love for me, that he had made a mistake going back his ex and it was me that he wanted!! I hadn’t spoken to him for over 3 months!!! Talk about bad timing………..

I met my interstate man, and he was lovely, such a gentleman, chivalrous, attractive, generous, kind, yet the conversation from the night before with my ex, was in the back of my mind, and so I told this lovely man it wouldn’t work as we lived too far away from each other.

To cut a long story short, he pursued me and wore me down! (not really) and we started dating albeit long distance.

We travelled together, had a lot of fun and laughs, but after 12 months the cracks started to show and I just didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore…..my longest relationship in 14 years……I enjoyed being in a relationship, sharing my day, having someone to do things with, go out with, I had my alone time too which I cherish, but when it ended it lead me to ask myself………Can you get addicted to Internet dating????

Keep smiling 🙂