” HOW DO YOU KNOW IF HE IS INTO YOU? “

This is a question we have all asked ourselves….and we never ask it about men who we are not into, we don’t care if they are into us as we are not into them!……For most of “us gals” we always seem to want the one that isn’t into us…….but sometimes they are! ūüôā

How do you know?…….

I have gone on many dates, some have been amazing, the mental stimulation was there, the physical attraction was there, we left each other with a kiss on the cheek and him saying he would like to take me out again….the butterflies were there, the excitement that “wow” finally I have met “the one!”……we go out again, have a lovely time, and I am liking him more than ever, we are laughing having a great night, then it comes to the kiss goodbye, not on the cheek but a bit more of a pash! Oh yeah it’s good…( a kiss has to be good!)¬† Ok I think he likes me, I like him…. and then I never hear from him again!!! WTF???…….I start being the stalker, txting him, how is your day?¬† I may get one or two word answers, I start making up excuses for him, oh he must be busy, oh he has his kids this week, oh he is away for work……NO NO NO…He just is NOT into YOU!thC4NLP9KR

Why the change, why was it so good for you and not for him??

We are wired differently, however I experienced this in the reverse, so I can now sort of (could never fully) understand a mans way of thinking!! ( I should be a millionaire with this revelation! Who thought that a woman could understand a man!! hahahaha)

I met a lovely man a few years ago, he treated me like a princess, took me out, was very chivalrous, would call me all the time, I didn’t need to ask, I KNEW he was into me, his actions were louder than words, but here is the switch, most women would be so happy with this, but for me, something was missing, when he called me ALL the time, I started ignoring his calls and not answering until I had to, I didn’t respond to EVERY text, I was cutting our conversations short, I liked this guy, he was lovely, but what was it???? No matter how much I wanted it there, that animal attraction, that chemical attraction, the¬† Grrrrr I want to jump your bones, just wasn’t there! It was sad to me………I think I was becoming a man!!! This is what they do to us!! So maybe that is it….they really like you, but something is missing so they don’t want to pursue it anymore?

When I look back on some relationships (short) I could see how I was so into the guy, and him just not that much into me, didn’t return my texts all the time, I would make excuses for him, as I would never want to think it was ME! I’m wonderful, how could he not be into me??? lol, ….but when the right one comes along….You will know as it will slap you in the face!

I have a girlfriend who met her partner on RSVP, the first date they had together he was ga ga all over her, he even wanted to meet me and asked me what he could do to have her as a girlfriend. He clearly was and still is so into her, she never once has had to question his feelings for her, his actions have clearly spoken to her. Five years down the track they are still madly in love.

My best friend from High School met her partner on RSVP, at first she thought he was nice, she needed a second date to see what she thought of him, since that second date they have barely been apart and it is now close to 10 years! They also had 2 small children each and all moved in together like The Brady Bunch and it worked! Everyone got along and still does! He adores her and tells her this, and leaves her beautiful messages, she has never had to question if he is into her, he loves her with all his heart.thE29RR4X4

I have experienced it only once, recently, the difference I found is that my feelings were reciprocated! I have never felt like this with any guy I have dated, we just couldn’t stop staring at each other from the moment we had our first coffee date, we held hands straight away, we literally did not want to leave each other, it was sickening…but ASWESOME!!! We spoke for hours on the phone everyday that we were not seeing each other, it couldn’t be sustained, but it was so good, to have someone feel about you the way you feel about them was such an awesome feeling, and one I hadn’t felt for a long, long, time. This relationship, sadly and unfortunately had to end due to other reasons beyond either of our control, and it was devastating to both of us, however I now have the benchmark of what I am looking for and also the knowledge of knowing the signs to know ” Is he into me!”

You should never have to make excuses for him and you should never have to ask yourself “Is He Into Me?” You will know in your heart….Couples-In-Love-26

Happy Dating! ūüôā

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“WHEN SHOULD YOU MEET?”

After Internet Dating for nearly 14 years, (¬†on and off by the way, I am not a complete serial dater, however my friends may think differently! ūüôā ) I have tried many different ways – chat online then meet in a couple of days, chat online then meet straight away, chat online, text and phone¬†for weeks before meeting….so many different scenarios and which one is the best one?

Through Trial and many Errors this is the way I find best :

Chat online, text on mobile, talk on mobile, then meet – I prefer to do all of this, if possible within 2-3 days and no longer than a week, and I will tell you why shortly.

I have a close girlfriend who has been Internet Dating around 8 years, we talk every couple of days and always have “war stories” for each other. Early days of Internet dating she never wanted to take my advice,¬†to meet within 3 days, she preferred to build rapport, gauge a sense of who they are before she felt comfortable to meet, this banter would go on for weeks as she would wait for him to ask her out, did she get asked out? Yes sometimes and sometimes not. Most of the time she was left feeling disillusioned and disappointed, let me tell you why……keyboard

When we speak to someone we haven’t met before we conjure up in our mind how we imagine them to be in¬†person. The more you speak with them on message or text the more you will think they are amazing, then when you hear his or her voice you can sometimes be let down. I was messaging with a handsome 6’3″, 46 year old man who¬†was fit, great physique, big arms & shoulders, just what I like, he sounded lovely by message and I thought all my Christmases had come at once…until I heard his voice on the phone…..he sounded like a girl!¬†Very high pitched and it completely changed the way I saw him. Is this shallow? Maybe it is, but I imagined him to have the deepest, sexiest, mucho voice and I was disappointed, but disappointed in myself in not talking to him¬†earlier.¬†I did meet him for coffee and he was lovely and I didn’t even worry about the sound of his voice in person, he just wasn’t right for me.

So we chat online, text on mobile, then talk on mobile , all is sounding great so why not meet? You may want to keep talking to feel comfortable, like my girlfriend – (who by the way, through experience, now meets within 2-3 days!) there maybe extenuating circumstances as to why you cant meet such as work, kids, etc. But, if you cannot find the time to meet within a week, do you or they, really have time to date?

I¬†like to get to the point quite quickly, life is too short to waste on the wrong guy, ¬†after the initial banter – see my blog – “What to say¬†to get the conversation started” – if they don’t suggest to text or phone I will, I will send a text and after texting will ask if they mind if I call. Some men do not wish to be too forward, but I want to be in control of the situation I don’t want it to drag out, so I will even suggest to meet for a coffee if they don’t suggest it first. date3

One experience I had in the early days, within the first 6 months, of Internet Dating I was chatting online and on the phone to a man who sounded amazing, we had similar values, we laughed, we talked on the phone for hours, we had so much in common but he lived an hour from me. He had his kids every 2nd weekend, and had to go away for work, so this meant we were talking on the phone for over 3 weeks before we met! Over the three weeks of talking, this guy was like a knight in shining armour to me, he was my prince, the man who was going to be the one I would live happily ever after with, I was so excited to meet him!

We arranged to meet at a caf√©, he drove the hour to see me, and we both discussed that if things were going well the date would go into lunch. I was expecting this to happen and even roll into dinner too as he was going “to be the one”!!!!

I was sitting at an outdoor table at the caf√© , and I saw a man walk around the corner around 20 metres away, and I was saying to myself …please let this NOT be him, PLEASE let this not be him, he was hunched over when he was walking, not this strong Knight I was imagining, he had made no effort in his appearance and wore a crinkled T-shirt, and¬†shorts that looked like they were 2 sizes too small and to top¬†this off he was wearing socks with¬†sandals!!!!¬† (please¬†remember, this guy was 35 at the time, not my dads age!!)….yes you can change a mans dress sense, but this wasn’t what I was imagining after 3 weeks of phone conversation!……….Hi…Its You!!! ūüė¶ ūüė¶ ūüė¶

I knew as soon as I saw him that I was not physically attracted to him, yes more shallow Miss T, but the physical attraction has to be there too!! Suffice to say, we did have coffee that evolved to lunch as we had awesome conversation, but that was it, and I never heard from him again.

My lesson learnt – Why waste time on the wrong guy? Chat online, Text on mobile, Chat on Phone then Meet – If you connect then amazing, if not……..NEXT! ūüôā ūüôā

Happy chatting ūüôā

 

THE FIRST DATE…….

So you have been chatting to your date now via txt and spoken on the phone and you have decided to meet for a coffee or drink.

I think it best to always have the control….you choose where to go, somewhere you feel comfortable, where it is busy yet quiet enough to still be able to chat. Allow an hour and mention that you only have an hour that way you can escape if you need to if it is not going well, and if it is going well and you want to stay longer just say it was nothing imperative and all is good!Featured image

Always take your own car! Never agree to be picked up no matter how much you “think you know him”!

Before you leave to go to your meeting place, to be safe, just tell a friend what you are doing and where you are going. Also give your friend his phone number. I always call before I leave to make sure he is running on time as you do not want to be stood up or left waiting for a long period!

This¬†is a lesson I have learnt……. I was speaking to a guy once and we agreed to meet in the city at a bar, I hadn’t¬†spoken to him on the phone prior to leaving, as the arrangement was only made a few hours earlier. When I got to the bar¬†I called him to see if he was already there as I couldn’t see him. He then told me that he had left a message on my RSVP page asking to confirm the meeting. As I didn’t confirm he made other plans!! When I checked my messages on RSVP there it was! He could have txt me!¬†I was very disappointed¬†that I¬†got ready on a week night¬†for an 8.00pm date, drove 30 mins only to find I was stood up! So I have never gone¬†on a date without confirming via a call¬†(not a txt) since!

What to wear……something smart casual, don’t¬†wear a top¬†too low cut unless you just want him for sex! If you are looking for a potential relationship dress stylish and for the venue¬† you are going to. Jeans and a nice t-shirt or shirt, jacket etc

Don’t commit to dinner for a first date, another lesson I learnt….

I spoke to this guy for a few days and thought he¬†appeared nice.¬† I said yes to his dinner invitation only to find that he swore like a trooper, had a funny smell, ate carbonara¬†pasta and the sauce dripped all over his chin, he didn’t wipe it¬†and when he spoke¬†I noticed he had parsley¬† stuck in his teeth!!! To top the night off his credit card didn’t work and I was left paying for the bill!!!!

So just a drink or coffee to start with, confirm the date before you leave to go, I also call when I arrive and ask if he is there yet? If he is a gentleman he will be waiting for you out the front or out the front of a shop close by so you can greet each other, a little peck on the cheek is acceptable,( or shake his hand) and walk in together!

I like to notice if he is chivalrous, as that is important to me, but it may not be too you. I look at the way he dresses, holds himself, looks at me,¬†I take a lot in, in the first 30 seconds! Sometimes I want to run in the opposite direction before we have sat down ( but I don’t)¬†and other times I think “this is a¬†good start!”¬†¬†…….I have been known to receive an emergency¬†txt from my sick child, but I always stay at least 30 mins to be courteous.

My opinion is that when you meet for a coffee or a drink he should pay, you can shout the next coffee! ūüôā

At the end of the meeting again either a peck on the cheek (or lips if it went well)¬†or shake his hand if didn’t!

Enjoy your date!