WHAT DO I SAY TO GET THE CONVERSATION STARTED?

A friend of mine who has nervously just started on the online dating scene asked me this question…..

“What do I say to get the conversation started?”

I like to do one of two things…..

1. Comment on something that I have read in the profile, and also ask an open ended question so he needs to respond,   eg….Hi, I think we may some common interests, I like to snow ski also, where do you usually go to ski?

That should get the conversation flowing, I also like to ask if they are looking for something casual or exploring the chance of a relationship……that way you know up front where you stand. You will probably get asked the same question in return. Be honest as there is no use saying you want a relationship when really you just want to start dating….you can explain you have not been on the site for long and are new to it, everyone has been in your position before so don’t be shy.

2. If there is no profile description, as is the case on some Tinder profiles, I usually start with a compliment about the photo eg. What a great smile you have……….or a basic opener is “Hi, how are you today?” …..then you can follow with questions such as…..How long have you been on here for? Have you had many dates? How did they go? What do you do for fun? Do you have children, if so how old?

Men DO NOT like being asked how tall they are, if they over 6′ they don’t care, but men under that seem to have an issue with women asking them. I recently had a guy send me a response of  ” Why are you women so shallow and want to know height???, it shouldn’t matter, every woman asks that question, it is annoying!!” (he was obviously short!) , so I tend to wait until I have maybe moved on to texting or talking on the phone and say something like, Do you mind if I ask your height? I am 5’9″…that way you are telling them about you and they feel obliged to tell you, the same goes for personal questions such as what do you do for work? I am a teacher , or how old are your children? I have a boy 19 and a girl 18, Where do you live?….I always pick a well known suburb close to me and say for example” Malvern area.”

I try to show my personality in my responses so they get a feel for who I am and also what I am looking for. I don’t want to waste my time going to meet someone for coffee if I find out he has no job, missing teeth (mouth closed in pic), and 4 kids from 3 different women (that has happened to me btw, a story for another time! 🙂 )

So don’t be afraid to ask what you want to know and what is important to you. You also need to consider what is unacceptable to you, what are the deal breakers….for me it is if they are a smoker, I wont meet them at all.

It is funny though…….what my deal breakers were 11 years ago have probably halved as I realised I was being too harsh and the deal breakers really weren’t deal breakers, so don’t have too many expectations, but don’t lower your standards either. When the right guy comes along, even if only for a short period of time there is nothing better than butterflies in the stomach and the excitement of receiving a text or call from him.

So many times I have been on dates and thought after the first date….hmmmm there is something about him, I need to see him again…….usually after the second or even third date you will know if there is some chemistry there, don’t try to force it, and remember, once men are over the age of 35 or even 30,( if they have been married), you CANNOT change him! You have to accept this guy for who he is now as he is who he is, just like you are who you are and will not change either, nor should you! 🙂

Happy Dating! 🙂

THE FIRST DATE…….

So you have been chatting to your date now via txt and spoken on the phone and you have decided to meet for a coffee or drink.

I think it best to always have the control….you choose where to go, somewhere you feel comfortable, where it is busy yet quiet enough to still be able to chat. Allow an hour and mention that you only have an hour that way you can escape if you need to if it is not going well, and if it is going well and you want to stay longer just say it was nothing imperative and all is good!Featured image

Always take your own car! Never agree to be picked up no matter how much you “think you know him”!

Before you leave to go to your meeting place, to be safe, just tell a friend what you are doing and where you are going. Also give your friend his phone number. I always call before I leave to make sure he is running on time as you do not want to be stood up or left waiting for a long period!

This is a lesson I have learnt……. I was speaking to a guy once and we agreed to meet in the city at a bar, I hadn’t spoken to him on the phone prior to leaving, as the arrangement was only made a few hours earlier. When I got to the bar I called him to see if he was already there as I couldn’t see him. He then told me that he had left a message on my RSVP page asking to confirm the meeting. As I didn’t confirm he made other plans!! When I checked my messages on RSVP there it was! He could have txt me! I was very disappointed that I got ready on a week night for an 8.00pm date, drove 30 mins only to find I was stood up! So I have never gone on a date without confirming via a call (not a txt) since!

What to wear……something smart casual, don’t wear a top too low cut unless you just want him for sex! If you are looking for a potential relationship dress stylish and for the venue  you are going to. Jeans and a nice t-shirt or shirt, jacket etc

Don’t commit to dinner for a first date, another lesson I learnt….

I spoke to this guy for a few days and thought he appeared nice.  I said yes to his dinner invitation only to find that he swore like a trooper, had a funny smell, ate carbonara pasta and the sauce dripped all over his chin, he didn’t wipe it and when he spoke I noticed he had parsley  stuck in his teeth!!! To top the night off his credit card didn’t work and I was left paying for the bill!!!!

So just a drink or coffee to start with, confirm the date before you leave to go, I also call when I arrive and ask if he is there yet? If he is a gentleman he will be waiting for you out the front or out the front of a shop close by so you can greet each other, a little peck on the cheek is acceptable,( or shake his hand) and walk in together!

I like to notice if he is chivalrous, as that is important to me, but it may not be too you. I look at the way he dresses, holds himself, looks at me, I take a lot in, in the first 30 seconds! Sometimes I want to run in the opposite direction before we have sat down ( but I don’t) and other times I think “this is a good start!”  …….I have been known to receive an emergency txt from my sick child, but I always stay at least 30 mins to be courteous.

My opinion is that when you meet for a coffee or a drink he should pay, you can shout the next coffee! 🙂

At the end of the meeting again either a peck on the cheek (or lips if it went well) or shake his hand if didn’t!

Enjoy your date!

“I AM READY TO START DATING – WHERE DO I START?”

You are ready! You are over your ex…happy within yourself…and ready to take the leap!Young Romantic Couple Celebrating With Wine Stock Photo

The Dating world has changed a lot over the last 10 years. The old way was meeting someone across the room, your eyes would meet, and a romance would begin……..unless you are under 30 years old the probability of that happening is slim. But it can happen!

The latest way to date is online…..scary yes…but just as scary as going to a bar and talking to some drunk who is probably lying to you & trying to feel you up! There is a lot of stigma around internet dating but that is usually spread by married  or uninformed individuals who are naïve of the “single world”.

If you want to get out there Internet dating is the way to go. There are so many sites that you can view to feel comfortable before you decide to join. Tinder is by far the easiest – just sign in with a Facebook account and away you go….swipe right until your heart is content and if he/she swipes right for you too then you have a match! 🙂 You can start talking straight away and then decide if you want to give out a phone number to talk on the phone next. If you change your mind you can “un match” and they cant contact you again…….easy…….I have met some lovely men on Tinder  but Tinder is known for people who just want a casual hook up…if that is what you want then fine, but if not, make sure you ask them what they are looking for!

I think I joined RSVP around the time is was starting to get popular in Australia. I have been on and off the site for 11 years. I scrolled through the site as a visitor for a while before I felt comfortable in joining. You really do need to put a picture up to get the best contact and there is lots of help on the site to assist you in writing a good profile.

I have several friends both male and female that have met life partners on RSVP! Yes it is possible!  I even met a guy that I ended up going into business with for 6 years, the relationship didn’t work after 3 months but we remained friends and bought a business instead! I have many male friends that I still keep in contact with that I have met through dating sites and a lot of males that I do not want to see ever again! 🙂

Another popular site similar to RSVP is Plenty of Fish (POF), and two other sites to try which are  personality based, you fill in a very large questionnaire, and matches are sent to you according to similarities. These sites are EHarmony & Elite Singles…..there are hundreds of sites out there Match.com, Zoosk etc. You can be on any or all of them if you like. The trick is to find the site that best suits you…….go on get searching! 🙂