Sorry Guys, but this blog is all about you and my perception! Bearing in mind that most of my readers are women!
This has happened to me three times now! Three times is NOT a charm …more a life lesson!
Lesson 1 – I meet a man on RSVP, he was very full on in the first few weeks, I felt a bit nervous but decided to go with the flow, before I knew it , he had his toothbrush at my house and was over nearly all the time! I changed my attitude and really enjoyed him being around, my kids loved him (they were 10 & 11 at the time), he took us all to the footy, brainwashed my son to follow his footy team, lol, but we all had a great time together. I remember he would just look at me with so much love. He would do this thing where he would look at me and say “Have I told you today?” and I would say “Nooo” and he would reply ” I love you like nothing else!”. It was cute and sweet and I really felt loved. Around the 3 month mark, I noticed he didn’t look at me the same way anymore, he didn’t say to me “Have I told you today?”, I asked him if he was ok, and if anything was wrong and he said no, all good. He started to not stay over and be at my house as much. After 2 weeks of this noticeably different behaviour, I sat him down and said “Ok, what is up? Have I done something?” His response was No, Its me. I just don’t think I want to be in a relationship! WTF! I was in shock. Was this all fake? Was he pretending? This was a man who thrust himself on me and virtually moved into my house without an invitation! I was very confused and upset and assumed he wanted to end things. But no, he still wanted to see me on his terms, sleep with me on his terms, but NOT be in a relationship! We even went on a holiday together and he told me he wanted to travel with me, wanted me to meet his family, that I was the woman for him, I met his children, yet I supposedly did nothing wrong! He told me he would come around and be ready for a relationship and wouldn’t want to be in one with anyone but me, but hey…he climbed the mountain, saw the view and climbed down, why would he go there again??? Lots of other mountains with different views!!!
We remained friends, one thing about me, anyone I have been connected with I remain friends with, don’t like bad blood with anyone! In-fact we went into business together, and that is a whole other story! lol
Lesson 2 – Around 8 years later I finally met a man I could connect with physically and emotionally – Great conversation, liked to do the same things, he was chivalrous, good family values and had an ex! Again I was a bit reserved with him, but he was texting me everyday, wanting to see me all the time, and we really had a great time together, laughed and spoke about work all the time. He wanted to see me for lunch during the week as often as I could do so, I really thought I had met “The One”, but this one infamous Sunday over a long weekend, we spent the day having drinks, hanging out, laughing, talking, then he said to me “I think YOU are more into this than me!” I had the wind pulled out of my sails…WTF? How could this be any different, was this a façade, thoughts of 8 years ago came flashing back. I laughed it off but was gut-wrenched, Everything that I thought was going to happen was obviously a figment of my imagination! A lot more events happened that day, with us still hanging out and going out dancing and drinking all night and both of us coming home at 2am to have his EX pounding on the door, wanting him back! She had been spying on us! I felt so uncomfortable and needless to say, he retreated not knowing what he wanted, ending up getting back with her, breaking up, coming back to me, going back to her, this was so ridiculous, but he had like a spell over me, that I kept taking him back…was I longing for this future that I thought we could have together? Maybe, I hadn’t had a connection with anyone but him. 2 Years later, we got back together again. He had split with his ex for good, kept telling me of a future we would have together, holidays, N.Y.E. never apart again, I had my walls up, but slowly, slowly, he broke them down. By saying the most lovely things to me, wanting to take me out, calling me, texting me, telling me he wants me to come to his mates 50th in Vegas, to his daughters wedding in England, and eventually moving in together. Everything sound good? It did to me….however, we went out one afternoon to a show and he seemed distant, we then kicked on at the casino with his daughter and her fiancé and was having a great time. The following day he told me he cannot stop thinking of his ex and he is not ready for a relationship! OMFG……he didn’t want to get back with her, in fact we are still friends today and he hasn’t even spoke to his ex, they were poison together, but he told me he couldn’t see a future with me! I said to him, what about all the things you said to me? He informed me that he said those things as he wanted to picture a happy life in the future!!!! Oh My God….Can I trust anything that comes out of a males mouth??…we didn’t speak for nearly 6 months and I have recently reconnected with him as friends, yeah silly I know!
Lesson 3. Yes it’s painful, you can see it coming cant you? lol
Earlier this year, I met the most amazing man, remember I have been single for 14 years and other than my interstate guy, these 3 men have been the ones who have been most significant to me!
This man and I had the most amazing chemistry together, from the moment we met, we couldn’t be apart, the first day we met, we saw each other twice! For lunch and then for drinks before he had a family dinner, that he he didn’t want to go to, he wanted to stay with me! We would talk on the phone for hours, when we were together we would just stare at each other, it was crazy! I felt like a 16 y.o. school girl when I was with him. lol We had awesome conversation, he was so easy going, he led a busy life, worked 7 days and was a single father to 4 girls, so I could only see him once a week, and he felt guilty about that! However, I understood the demands on him, and one day with him each week was worth it to me. I really had never had a connection with anyone else like him, he wasn’t drop dead gorgeous, but he was to me, I valued his opinion and he we constantly laughed and had the most amazing time together. We spoke about how you know when the right person comes along, and that this was so right, he supposedly told his girls about me, I never met them as they were a bit fragile, we spoke about being monogamous, he even asked me how I would introduce him to people and I said my partner and he beamed from ear to ear! He met my friends, so I thought we were in a relationship, until about 3 months in, I heard those words again, ” I think YOU are more into this than me!” I honestly started spinning out of control, WTF, why would he say all these things if he didn’t mean them? Of course this changed things for me, I started building a wall to protect myself, and eventually we parted due to timing. We were both sad it had to end, but it did. He had no time to see me, and for me those words kept ringing in my ear. I have tried to reconnect with him, as this break up did hurt me a lot, but he has reneged each time, nicely. Maybe he wasn’t the man I thought he was.
Have these experiences left me cynical, scared and not trusting of men’s words? Absolutely!
I try to be me, early on so they know what they are getting into, do I scare them? Am I too full on? But I am a reactive person, so I react to how I am being treated!
In saying this, surprisingly to me, I have had a male tell me that women only tell him what he wants to hear! haha… sounds like karma to me! lol,,,I shouldn’t be like that, maybe it is a male and female trait!
I will still go forward, and look for the man I want to spend my future with, but I will be guarded, at least to the 3 month mark, as that seems to be when the lust, infatuation, love, hopes and dreams wears off for a man and reality sets in!
Happy Dating! 🙂