“Do Men Really Mean What They Say?”

Sorry Guys, but this blog is all about you and my perception! Bearing in mind that most of my readers are women!

This has happened to me three times now! Three times is NOT a charm …more a life lesson!

Lesson 1 – I meet a man on RSVP, he was very full on in the first few weeks, I felt a bit nervous but decided to go with the flow, before I knew it , he had his toothbrush at my house and was over nearly all the time! I changed my attitude and really enjoyed him being around, my kids loved him (they were 10 & 11 at the time), he took us all to the footy, brainwashed my son to follow his footy team, lol, but we all had a great time together. I remember he would just look at me with so much love. He would do this thing where he would look at me and say “Have I told you today?” and I would say “Nooo” and he would reply ” I love you like nothing else!”. It was cute and sweet and I really felt loved. Around the 3 month mark, I noticed he didn’t look at me the same way anymore, he didn’t say to me “Have I told you today?”, I asked him if he was ok, and if anything was wrong and he said no, all good. He started to not stay over and be at my house as much. After 2 weeks of this noticeably different behaviour, I sat him down and said “Ok, what is up? Have I done something?” His response was No, Its me. I just don’t think I want to be in a relationship! WTF! I was in shock. Was this all fake? Was he pretending? This was a man who thrust himself on me and virtually moved into my house without an invitation! I was very confused and upset and assumed he wanted to end things. But no, he still wanted to see me on his terms, sleep with me on his terms, but NOT be in a untitledrelationship! We even went on a holiday together and he told me he wanted to travel with me, wanted me to meet his family, that I was the woman for him, I met his children, yet I supposedly did nothing wrong! He told me he would come around and be ready for a relationship and wouldn’t want to be in one with anyone but me, but hey…he climbed the mountain, saw the view and climbed down, why would he go there again??? Lots of other mountains with different views!!!

We remained friends, one thing about me, anyone I have been connected with I remain friends with, don’t like bad blood with anyone! In-fact we went into business together, and that is a whole other story! lol

Lesson 2 – Around 8 years later I finally met a man I could connect with physically and emotionally – Great conversation, liked to do the same things, he was chivalrous, good family values and had an ex! Again I was a bit reserved with him, but he was texting me everyday, wanting to see me all the time, and we really had a great time together, laughed and spoke about work all the time. He wanted to see me for lunch during the week as often as I could do so, I really thought I had met “The One”, but this one infamous Sunday over a long weekend, we spent the day having drinks, hanging out, laughing, talking, then he said to me “I think YOU are more into this than me!” I had the wind pulled out of my sails…WTF? How could this be any different, was this a façade, thoughts of 8 years ago came flashing back. I laughed it off but was gut-wrenched, Everything that I thought was going to happen was obviously a figment of my cute romantic couples in love kissing hugging girls wallpapers (2)imagination! A lot more events happened that day, with us still hanging out and going out dancing and drinking all night and both of us coming home at 2am to have his EX pounding on the door, wanting him back! She had been spying on us! I felt so uncomfortable and needless to say, he retreated not knowing what he wanted, ending up getting back with her, breaking up, coming back to me, going back to her, this was so ridiculous, but he had like a spell over me, that I kept taking him back…was I longing for this future that I thought we could have together? Maybe, I hadn’t had a connection with anyone but him. 2 Years later, we got back together again. He had split with his ex for good, kept telling me of a future we would have together, holidays, N.Y.E. never apart again, I had my walls up, but slowly, slowly, he broke them down. By saying the most lovely things to me, wanting to take me out, calling me, texting me, telling me he wants me to come to his mates 50th in Vegas, to his daughters wedding in England, and eventually moving in together. Everything sound good? It did to me….however, we went out one afternoon to a show and he seemed distant, we then kicked on at the casino with his daughter and her fiancé and was having a great time. The following day he told me he cannot stop thinking of his ex and he is not ready for a relationship! OMFG……he didn’t want to get back with her, in fact we are still friends today and he hasn’t even spoke to his ex, they were poison together, but he told me he couldn’t see a future with me! I said to him, what about all the things you said to me? He informed me that he said those things as he wanted to picture a happy life in the future!!!! Oh My God….Can I trust anything that comes out of a males mouth??…we didn’t speak for nearly 6 months and I have recently reconnected with him as friends, yeah silly I know!

Lesson 3. Yes it’s painful, you can see it coming cant you? lol

Earlier this year, I met the most amazing man, remember I have been single for 14 years and other than my interstate guy, these 3 men have been the ones who have been most significant to me!

This man and I had the most amazing chemistry together, from the moment we met, we couldn’t be apart, the first day we met, we saw each other twice! For lunch and then for drinks before he had a family dinner, that he he didn’t want to go to, he wanted to stay with me! We would talk on the phone for hours, when we were together we would just stare at each other, it was crazy! I felt like a 16 y.o. school girl when I was with him. lol We had awesome conversation, he was so easy going, he led a busy life, worked 7 days and was a single father to 4 girls, so I could only see him once a week, and he felt guilty about that! However, I understood the demands on him,  and one day with him each week was worth it to me. I really had never had a connection with anyone else like him, he wasn’t drop dead gorgeous, but he was to me, I valued his opinion and he we constantly laughed and had the most amazing time together. We spoke about how you know when the right person comes along, and that this was so right, he supposedly told his girls about me, I never met them as they were a bit fragile, we spoke about being monogamous, he even asked me how I would introduce him to people and I said my Couples-In-Love-26partner and he beamed from ear to ear! He met my friends,  so I thought we were in a relationship, until about 3 months in, I heard those words again, ” I think YOU are more into this than me!” I honestly started spinning out of control, WTF, why would he say all these things if he didn’t mean them? Of course this changed things for me, I started building a wall to protect myself, and eventually we parted due to timing. We were both sad it had to end, but it did. He had no time to see me, and for me those words kept ringing in my ear. I have tried to reconnect with him, as this break up did hurt me a lot, but he has reneged each time, nicely. Maybe he wasn’t the man I thought he was.

Have these experiences left me cynical, scared and not trusting of men’s words? Absolutely!

I try to be me, early on so they know what they are getting into, do I scare them? Am I too full on? But I am a reactive person, so I react to how I am being treated!

In saying this, surprisingly to me, I have had a male tell me that women only tell him what he wants to hear! haha… sounds like karma to me! lol,,,I shouldn’t be like that, maybe it is a male and female trait!

I will still go forward, and look for the man I want to spend my future with, but I will be guarded, at least to the 3 month mark, as that seems to be when the lust, infatuation, love, hopes and dreams wears off for a man and reality sets in!

Happy Dating! 🙂

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“ARE OUR EXPECATIONS TOO HIGH IN THE DATING WORLD?”

After being single such a long time, 14 years, and only having a few short term relationships, it has often come up in conversation, mostly with married people, that my expectations are too high!

Hmmmmmm……

I don’t think they are, in fact I think my expectations have waned due to the fact I am reaching the top of the pyramid and there is not much up there, I feel I am at the top of the pear tree…all the younger fresh fruit is at the bottom and ripe for picking, snatched up very quickly, the mid range of the tree is nice, few blemishes but that’s ok, then the top of the tree……the fruit has been picked at by birds, chewed up and spat out, it has gone rotten, some have fallen on the ground , been trode on, and the few pieces of fruit left hanging on the top of the tree have so many things wrong with them that no one wants them…they are left in the sun, start shrivelling up , and harden so much that you need a nutcracker to get inside!2e8057fbdf76f437720e410c6ad97929

That is a true analogy of dating over 50. Hence why I am attracted to younger guys, the middle of the tree, they have had some rough times, but mostly seem to get over it ok, lower branches are still appealing just to remember what fresh fruit is like, very refreshing as they want no hassles, are fun, and nothing is an issue, so chilled and relaxed.

I am looking for a man I can connect with, and honestly his age is really not an issue for me, if I find a guy that is in his 60’s then that is fine, however if I find a guy in his late 30’s or early 40’s society says no no no! What is the chance of finding a man not only that I am physically attracted too but mentally stimulated by in their late 50’s to early 60’s…remember this is the top of the tree…not much up there and to find a connection well you  have to be damn lucky! And then if you do connect on those levels, does he take medication? Most men, in my experience, have either got depression, bipolar, bitterness inside because of their ex, children who don’t talk to them, very young children (under 10), or they have no energy , are very negative and dress like 80 year olds!!!!

For all you married people out there, not only do I hope you realise the “grass is NOT greener” but you have no fu..k .ng idea what it is like in the dating world! Yes we can have fun and go out with different men, and have the butterflies in our tummy that you haven’t felt in years, and I’m sure you realise from my blog so far so very funny and Baby-shaped-pears-Chinaweird experiences ,however this is all short lived, to be able to come home to a man who you know adores you deep down, cares about you, talks about your day, someone to go to dinner with, just sit quietly on the couch with, talk about the future with……..this is missing in my life and many single’s life, both male and female, and most of us long for this again.

However in saying all of this, we also wont settle, I would prefer to be single and happy (albeit at times lonely) than be in an unhappy relationship!

article-2451020-1882CEE2000005DC-330_634x675Maybe I do want it all, the cute guy that when I look at him I just want to jump his bones, Yes this will wane over time, but I want it in the beginning, I want him to think the same about me, I want to be able to talk to him for hours about my inner most secrets and thoughts (no not my sexual fantasies, head out the gutter! lol..or actually yeah that too! 😉 ), similar interests, a love for family, plans for the future, someone to travel with but mostly a man I can be myself with and laugh till my belly hurts!  Married friends…is this asking too much?? Do you really think that this is high expectations?

It probably is for the top of the tree…..however the middle and the lower article-0-094BCA38000005DC-473_468x598branches……..think I will head down there and try my luck !!!

🙂 🙂

Happy Dating! 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

” HOW DO YOU KNOW IF HE IS INTO YOU? “

This is a question we have all asked ourselves….and we never ask it about men who we are not into, we don’t care if they are into us as we are not into them!……For most of “us gals” we always seem to want the one that isn’t into us…….but sometimes they are! 🙂

How do you know?…….

I have gone on many dates, some have been amazing, the mental stimulation was there, the physical attraction was there, we left each other with a kiss on the cheek and him saying he would like to take me out again….the butterflies were there, the excitement that “wow” finally I have met “the one!”……we go out again, have a lovely time, and I am liking him more than ever, we are laughing having a great night, then it comes to the kiss goodbye, not on the cheek but a bit more of a pash! Oh yeah it’s good…( a kiss has to be good!)  Ok I think he likes me, I like him…. and then I never hear from him again!!! WTF???…….I start being the stalker, txting him, how is your day?  I may get one or two word answers, I start making up excuses for him, oh he must be busy, oh he has his kids this week, oh he is away for work……NO NO NO…He just is NOT into YOU!thC4NLP9KR

Why the change, why was it so good for you and not for him??

We are wired differently, however I experienced this in the reverse, so I can now sort of (could never fully) understand a mans way of thinking!! ( I should be a millionaire with this revelation! Who thought that a woman could understand a man!! hahahaha)

I met a lovely man a few years ago, he treated me like a princess, took me out, was very chivalrous, would call me all the time, I didn’t need to ask, I KNEW he was into me, his actions were louder than words, but here is the switch, most women would be so happy with this, but for me, something was missing, when he called me ALL the time, I started ignoring his calls and not answering until I had to, I didn’t respond to EVERY text, I was cutting our conversations short, I liked this guy, he was lovely, but what was it???? No matter how much I wanted it there, that animal attraction, that chemical attraction, the  Grrrrr I want to jump your bones, just wasn’t there! It was sad to me………I think I was becoming a man!!! This is what they do to us!! So maybe that is it….they really like you, but something is missing so they don’t want to pursue it anymore?

When I look back on some relationships (short) I could see how I was so into the guy, and him just not that much into me, didn’t return my texts all the time, I would make excuses for him, as I would never want to think it was ME! I’m wonderful, how could he not be into me??? lol, ….but when the right one comes along….You will know as it will slap you in the face!

I have a girlfriend who met her partner on RSVP, the first date they had together he was ga ga all over her, he even wanted to meet me and asked me what he could do to have her as a girlfriend. He clearly was and still is so into her, she never once has had to question his feelings for her, his actions have clearly spoken to her. Five years down the track they are still madly in love.

My best friend from High School met her partner on RSVP, at first she thought he was nice, she needed a second date to see what she thought of him, since that second date they have barely been apart and it is now close to 10 years! They also had 2 small children each and all moved in together like The Brady Bunch and it worked! Everyone got along and still does! He adores her and tells her this, and leaves her beautiful messages, she has never had to question if he is into her, he loves her with all his heart.thE29RR4X4

I have experienced it only once, recently, the difference I found is that my feelings were reciprocated! I have never felt like this with any guy I have dated, we just couldn’t stop staring at each other from the moment we had our first coffee date, we held hands straight away, we literally did not want to leave each other, it was sickening…but ASWESOME!!! We spoke for hours on the phone everyday that we were not seeing each other, it couldn’t be sustained, but it was so good, to have someone feel about you the way you feel about them was such an awesome feeling, and one I hadn’t felt for a long, long, time. This relationship, sadly and unfortunately had to end due to other reasons beyond either of our control, and it was devastating to both of us, however I now have the benchmark of what I am looking for and also the knowledge of knowing the signs to know ” Is he into me!”

You should never have to make excuses for him and you should never have to ask yourself “Is He Into Me?” You will know in your heart….Couples-In-Love-26

Happy Dating! 🙂

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“BE TRUE TO YOU” – “WATCH OUT FOR SCAMMERS”

One thing I have learnt over the years is to be “true to me”. I am a people pleaser and I would think a happy person, and over the years I have accepted things only to make the other person happy! We have all done it, and that is what makes this world wonderful, made compromises,  however if you are not being true to you and the compromise is to your detriment you really do need to speak up! – But what happens when you do????

I have found my tolerance has decreased on Online Dating and I have become a bit of a sceptic! This is due to the number of scammers and con artists that are trying to fool innocent people via these sites! Their motive….Money!scammertakeingmoney

They have a way on praying on the vulnerable, men & women, telling them they want a relationship, that they have a great job, their photos are gorgeous, and they know just what to say to have you believing every word, they even have you feeling sorry for them due to their circumstances!  The thing about these scammers is that they are not in a rush, they spend time building rapport with you, saying you are just what they are searching for, you have so much in common, they also can, but not always ask for a “Whats app” address or email address and want to get off the sites to speak with you. Why? They will then have your mobile number, and/or your email address.  They will send you numerous different photos, at different times of the day, send you photos of their work, out with friends……..This sounds like normal everyday conversation doesn’t it??….They are good, will even speak with you on the phone, saying they have an accent!

How they intend to get money from you is they may spend weeks or months having you slowly fall them, they say they want to meet, they are overseas on work or interstate and are dying to meet you, they have no one, just you, they set up a day and time, and just before you are due to meet, they have had everything stolen, they cant get to you as they have no money, “if you can send me some money I will then be able to meet you”, they have spent time building trust with you, you think how could this not be real?  but they don’t meet you, but STILL keep in contact with you as they know you will send money. They will make plans to meet, as you are their soulmate, and something else will happen, and ask for money again……Unfortunately I have heard way too many of these stories of women and men losing tens of thousands of dollars to these vial people………..How do you know if they are scamming you or not?

  1. The Grammar is very bad, lots of spelling mistakes, and no flow to their conversation.
  2. They are usually widowed, have no children (or sometimes 1 or two that live with a friend, while they are away working)- so you have empathy for them.
  3. No family, parents have passed or been killed traumatically, there is no-one in their life to assist them.
  4. They “usually” live overseas or work overseas, U.S. Army, Marines, Government job.

If you have noticed any if not all of these, alarm bells should be ringing, red flags flying up everywhere!! Stop talking with them and whoBlock them immediately!!!online-dating-dangers-tips

Don’t think – ohhh but they are so nice, he or she is drop dead gorgeous…NOOOOOOOO!!!Block them and report them immediately!!

They steal peoples identity usually through Facebook, so they have oodles of photos in different situations to send you. I know of two people, one male and one female, that were on a dating site, who are in happy relationships and had no idea that someone was pretending to be them!! The IP address was traced and it came from Nigeria!

I think I would report around 2 of these scammers a week! There are even women messaging women saying that they have found love on this site and are going off of it, however their male friend was looking over their shoulder and saw your profile and asked her to contact you! Nooooooooo a scammer! I have had the same woman contact me twice over a 2 month period, with the exact same message! and she hasn’t gone offline!

I have had a guy really convince me, even spoke to me several times on the phone yet my gut instinct was telling me something wasn’t right, I then googled his mobile number and all these messages came up from women over the last few days, (we had been speaking for 2 weeks), saying that he sucks you in, is a scammer and all the photos that he had sent me, other women had them too and posted them online, saying it was all lies! This guy said he was a mining engineer and sent photos of his workplace to really try to authenticate what he was saying! I know a little about mining and asked him questions, he usually just agreed with me, and I told him about a job opening and he told me he had already applied….a red flag went up! I knew they were not advertising for work yet, but I thought he must know someone! He said he lived in the CBD, and would come home soon! We have a way of not wanting to believe, we defend someone we haven’t even met……why do we do that?????? Do we want it to be real? or do we not want to think that there couldn’t be such mean nasty people out there who have no feelings or empathy for who they are speaking to or care what they are doing?scammers

These people give Internet Dating a bad name! These people are the ones our friends and family only hear about or read about in the paper, and want to concentrate on and tell us we shouldn’t be online dating, you don’t know who you are talking to! That is correct, hence meeting quickly, but hey someone you meet in a bar can be telling you just as many lies, just cause you meet them face to face doesn’t mean they are any better! Friends and family do not seem to want to hear of the thousands of happy people that have met their partners online!

Please be aware of scammers, and be true to you, if your instinct is telling you it doesn’t seem right, listen to it! It is ALWAYS right! Block and move on …….NEXT! 🙂

As I have written about in previous blogs, don’t wait too long to meet, yes sometimes difficulties are there, but if they don’t have time to meet you for a coffee, what chance do you have of them having time to get to know each other face to face!

Sorry this was a more serious blog, but it is getting bad out there and the more people that are aware and blocking and reporting these scammers the better the online dating community will be!

I promise the next blog will have more crazy funny insane stories!….its going to be about a man who loves bunny rabbits and sleeps with a stuffed one! hahaha – stay tuned….

Happy Dating! 🙂

 

“WHEN SHOULD YOU MEET?”

After Internet Dating for nearly 14 years, ( on and off by the way, I am not a complete serial dater, however my friends may think differently! 🙂 ) I have tried many different ways – chat online then meet in a couple of days, chat online then meet straight away, chat online, text and phone for weeks before meeting….so many different scenarios and which one is the best one?

Through Trial and many Errors this is the way I find best :

Chat online, text on mobile, talk on mobile, then meet – I prefer to do all of this, if possible within 2-3 days and no longer than a week, and I will tell you why shortly.

I have a close girlfriend who has been Internet Dating around 8 years, we talk every couple of days and always have “war stories” for each other. Early days of Internet dating she never wanted to take my advice, to meet within 3 days, she preferred to build rapport, gauge a sense of who they are before she felt comfortable to meet, this banter would go on for weeks as she would wait for him to ask her out, did she get asked out? Yes sometimes and sometimes not. Most of the time she was left feeling disillusioned and disappointed, let me tell you why……keyboard

When we speak to someone we haven’t met before we conjure up in our mind how we imagine them to be in person. The more you speak with them on message or text the more you will think they are amazing, then when you hear his or her voice you can sometimes be let down. I was messaging with a handsome 6’3″, 46 year old man who was fit, great physique, big arms & shoulders, just what I like, he sounded lovely by message and I thought all my Christmases had come at once…until I heard his voice on the phone…..he sounded like a girl! Very high pitched and it completely changed the way I saw him. Is this shallow? Maybe it is, but I imagined him to have the deepest, sexiest, mucho voice and I was disappointed, but disappointed in myself in not talking to him earlier. I did meet him for coffee and he was lovely and I didn’t even worry about the sound of his voice in person, he just wasn’t right for me.

So we chat online, text on mobile, then talk on mobile , all is sounding great so why not meet? You may want to keep talking to feel comfortable, like my girlfriend – (who by the way, through experience, now meets within 2-3 days!) there maybe extenuating circumstances as to why you cant meet such as work, kids, etc. But, if you cannot find the time to meet within a week, do you or they, really have time to date?

I like to get to the point quite quickly, life is too short to waste on the wrong guy,  after the initial banter – see my blog – “What to say to get the conversation started” – if they don’t suggest to text or phone I will, I will send a text and after texting will ask if they mind if I call. Some men do not wish to be too forward, but I want to be in control of the situation I don’t want it to drag out, so I will even suggest to meet for a coffee if they don’t suggest it first. date3

One experience I had in the early days, within the first 6 months, of Internet Dating I was chatting online and on the phone to a man who sounded amazing, we had similar values, we laughed, we talked on the phone for hours, we had so much in common but he lived an hour from me. He had his kids every 2nd weekend, and had to go away for work, so this meant we were talking on the phone for over 3 weeks before we met! Over the three weeks of talking, this guy was like a knight in shining armour to me, he was my prince, the man who was going to be the one I would live happily ever after with, I was so excited to meet him!

We arranged to meet at a café, he drove the hour to see me, and we both discussed that if things were going well the date would go into lunch. I was expecting this to happen and even roll into dinner too as he was going “to be the one”!!!!

I was sitting at an outdoor table at the café , and I saw a man walk around the corner around 20 metres away, and I was saying to myself …please let this NOT be him, PLEASE let this not be him, he was hunched over when he was walking, not this strong Knight I was imagining, he had made no effort in his appearance and wore a crinkled T-shirt, and shorts that looked like they were 2 sizes too small and to top this off he was wearing socks with sandals!!!!  (please remember, this guy was 35 at the time, not my dads age!!)….yes you can change a mans dress sense, but this wasn’t what I was imagining after 3 weeks of phone conversation!……….Hi…Its You!!! 😦 😦 😦

I knew as soon as I saw him that I was not physically attracted to him, yes more shallow Miss T, but the physical attraction has to be there too!! Suffice to say, we did have coffee that evolved to lunch as we had awesome conversation, but that was it, and I never heard from him again.

My lesson learnt – Why waste time on the wrong guy? Chat online, Text on mobile, Chat on Phone then Meet – If you connect then amazing, if not……..NEXT! 🙂 🙂

Happy chatting 🙂