“THE BUNNY BOILER & THE COP!”

A little bit of continuance on my last blog about scammers…..you also need to be wary of nutters! Many of them, on the Internet dating sites and in the street to be honest! I have been accused of being one, WTF, we all know THAT isn’t true!! hahaha , I have had my nutter moments and my friends know of Psycho Miss T when she is pushed but that is another blog! Anyway….

With my full time job, my mobile phone number is publicised on websites and ads, last year I had a guy msg me and ask me if I wanted to go on a date for dinner and the movies, he knew my first name and I assumed I had met him off a dating site and had forgotten about him! So many men I talk to,  so little time to remember them all! lol At the time I was in a relationship and told this guy thanks but no thanks! As it turned out unbeknownst to me I started talking to him on Plenty of Fish (POF) recently, he seemed nice, cute photos, then we exchanged phone numbers and as I entered his, the text appeared from 8 months ago about dinner and the movie! I certainly didn’t recognise his photos and asked him if we had spoke before? He couldn’t remember and then when I sent him the prior text he remembered that he had contacted me off my work website as he liked my photo!!! Stalker!!! He actually told me that “this is every stalkers dream” I stalked you on a website and now we are talking via an internet dating site!! I was sort of flattered but a bit apprehensive too, he started telling me that he has a pet bunny rabbit , this guy was 46 btw, he started emailing me photos of his bunny rabbit, his email name was Bunnylove, then he told me he slept with a stuffed bunny rabbit!!! how-to-draw-a-bunny-6-5Ok alarm bells were ringing, red flags flying, and this guy knows my mobile and where I work! Ok stay calm, be nice, he wanted to meet and I was curious but my common sense stepped in and said no you idiot do not meet  this bunny guy!! So I let him down nicely saying that I had caught up with my ex and we were going to try again! (good excuse to use because if they are a crazy then they know a man is going to be around!) Well for the next few days I kept receiving abusive, degrading texts! I didn’t respond as I didn’t want him turning up at my work, and in the end I blocked him! I never even met this guy, imagine how he would have reacted if I met him??

I was telling a friend of mine about this, he is a police officer, one of those special ones who gears up when the really bad stuff happens, and a guy I dated for a short time! (looks cute in uniform! lol) We are still friends, we talk and catch up from time to time, I don’t like to have bad blood with anyone I have dated, life is too short, and this guy, the cop makes me laugh so much! So when I was telling him about the bunny boiler, he told me that on Facebook, you can type a persons mobile number into the Search bar and their profile will come up! I didn’t know this, so you can now see if the guy you are talking to on the phone is really him! It does only work if their number is on their Facebook account, and in my friends words, men are dumb and will have their number on there! So girls, remove your number off your Facebook account!

When I met my friend the cop, we met on a dating site, we chatted for a while and decided to meet for a drink. We met out the front of  this cute bar, he was such a gentleman, ordered a cheese platter and a beautiful bottle of wine, we were having great conversation for around 2 hours, then he realised the time had gotten away, as he surprised me and had bought gold class tickets for a movie! What a guy!  I felt really comfortable with him so I got in his car with him to head to the theatre. Once in there we didn’t get to see much of the movie as he was just so kissable! haha…we decided to leave 30 mins into the movie and go parking! I felt like a teenager again! man-and-woman-having-romantic-time-in-carHe drove to a park where we stopped and jumped in the back seat, it was getting a little amorous, a few pieces of clothing had been removed, the windows had fogged up and then we saw head lights behind us. At first we thought it was someone else “parking”, until we got the tap on the window with a torch from a female police officer!!! OMFG!!!  I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry! My friend quickly put on his t-shirt and jumped out barefoot saying “It’s Ok, I’m a cop!” hahahaha What the?? He did some fast, smooth talking and we were fortunate that they hadn’t done their job properly and entered his rego into their system! He could have lost his job I found out later! I could hear the two police officers laughing, and at this stage I was feeling embarrassed and had sunk soooo low into the back seat! He got back in the car, we put on the demister so we could see and just started laughing! How old are we?????

It doesn’t matter! You are never too old to have fun and a great night of laughs! Just be safe! The two of us have a story and memories of such a fun crazy night, and we laugh about it over a bottle of red each time we catch up!

Live life, enjoy, dating can be laborious, embrace it,  along the way to finding “the one”  you can meet people that you will have a life time friendship with, secrets, and lots of laughs, I know I have!

Happy Dating 🙂

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“WHEN SHOULD YOU MEET?”

After Internet Dating for nearly 14 years, ( on and off by the way, I am not a complete serial dater, however my friends may think differently! 🙂 ) I have tried many different ways – chat online then meet in a couple of days, chat online then meet straight away, chat online, text and phone for weeks before meeting….so many different scenarios and which one is the best one?

Through Trial and many Errors this is the way I find best :

Chat online, text on mobile, talk on mobile, then meet – I prefer to do all of this, if possible within 2-3 days and no longer than a week, and I will tell you why shortly.

I have a close girlfriend who has been Internet Dating around 8 years, we talk every couple of days and always have “war stories” for each other. Early days of Internet dating she never wanted to take my advice, to meet within 3 days, she preferred to build rapport, gauge a sense of who they are before she felt comfortable to meet, this banter would go on for weeks as she would wait for him to ask her out, did she get asked out? Yes sometimes and sometimes not. Most of the time she was left feeling disillusioned and disappointed, let me tell you why……keyboard

When we speak to someone we haven’t met before we conjure up in our mind how we imagine them to be in person. The more you speak with them on message or text the more you will think they are amazing, then when you hear his or her voice you can sometimes be let down. I was messaging with a handsome 6’3″, 46 year old man who was fit, great physique, big arms & shoulders, just what I like, he sounded lovely by message and I thought all my Christmases had come at once…until I heard his voice on the phone…..he sounded like a girl! Very high pitched and it completely changed the way I saw him. Is this shallow? Maybe it is, but I imagined him to have the deepest, sexiest, mucho voice and I was disappointed, but disappointed in myself in not talking to him earlier. I did meet him for coffee and he was lovely and I didn’t even worry about the sound of his voice in person, he just wasn’t right for me.

So we chat online, text on mobile, then talk on mobile , all is sounding great so why not meet? You may want to keep talking to feel comfortable, like my girlfriend – (who by the way, through experience, now meets within 2-3 days!) there maybe extenuating circumstances as to why you cant meet such as work, kids, etc. But, if you cannot find the time to meet within a week, do you or they, really have time to date?

I like to get to the point quite quickly, life is too short to waste on the wrong guy,  after the initial banter – see my blog – “What to say to get the conversation started” – if they don’t suggest to text or phone I will, I will send a text and after texting will ask if they mind if I call. Some men do not wish to be too forward, but I want to be in control of the situation I don’t want it to drag out, so I will even suggest to meet for a coffee if they don’t suggest it first. date3

One experience I had in the early days, within the first 6 months, of Internet Dating I was chatting online and on the phone to a man who sounded amazing, we had similar values, we laughed, we talked on the phone for hours, we had so much in common but he lived an hour from me. He had his kids every 2nd weekend, and had to go away for work, so this meant we were talking on the phone for over 3 weeks before we met! Over the three weeks of talking, this guy was like a knight in shining armour to me, he was my prince, the man who was going to be the one I would live happily ever after with, I was so excited to meet him!

We arranged to meet at a café, he drove the hour to see me, and we both discussed that if things were going well the date would go into lunch. I was expecting this to happen and even roll into dinner too as he was going “to be the one”!!!!

I was sitting at an outdoor table at the café , and I saw a man walk around the corner around 20 metres away, and I was saying to myself …please let this NOT be him, PLEASE let this not be him, he was hunched over when he was walking, not this strong Knight I was imagining, he had made no effort in his appearance and wore a crinkled T-shirt, and shorts that looked like they were 2 sizes too small and to top this off he was wearing socks with sandals!!!!  (please remember, this guy was 35 at the time, not my dads age!!)….yes you can change a mans dress sense, but this wasn’t what I was imagining after 3 weeks of phone conversation!……….Hi…Its You!!! 😦 😦 😦

I knew as soon as I saw him that I was not physically attracted to him, yes more shallow Miss T, but the physical attraction has to be there too!! Suffice to say, we did have coffee that evolved to lunch as we had awesome conversation, but that was it, and I never heard from him again.

My lesson learnt – Why waste time on the wrong guy? Chat online, Text on mobile, Chat on Phone then Meet – If you connect then amazing, if not……..NEXT! 🙂 🙂

Happy chatting 🙂

 

WHAT DO I SAY TO GET THE CONVERSATION STARTED?

A friend of mine who has nervously just started on the online dating scene asked me this question…..

“What do I say to get the conversation started?”

I like to do one of two things…..

1. Comment on something that I have read in the profile, and also ask an open ended question so he needs to respond,   eg….Hi, I think we may some common interests, I like to snow ski also, where do you usually go to ski?

That should get the conversation flowing, I also like to ask if they are looking for something casual or exploring the chance of a relationship……that way you know up front where you stand. You will probably get asked the same question in return. Be honest as there is no use saying you want a relationship when really you just want to start dating….you can explain you have not been on the site for long and are new to it, everyone has been in your position before so don’t be shy.

2. If there is no profile description, as is the case on some Tinder profiles, I usually start with a compliment about the photo eg. What a great smile you have……….or a basic opener is “Hi, how are you today?” …..then you can follow with questions such as…..How long have you been on here for? Have you had many dates? How did they go? What do you do for fun? Do you have children, if so how old?

Men DO NOT like being asked how tall they are, if they over 6′ they don’t care, but men under that seem to have an issue with women asking them. I recently had a guy send me a response of  ” Why are you women so shallow and want to know height???, it shouldn’t matter, every woman asks that question, it is annoying!!” (he was obviously short!) , so I tend to wait until I have maybe moved on to texting or talking on the phone and say something like, Do you mind if I ask your height? I am 5’9″…that way you are telling them about you and they feel obliged to tell you, the same goes for personal questions such as what do you do for work? I am a teacher , or how old are your children? I have a boy 19 and a girl 18, Where do you live?….I always pick a well known suburb close to me and say for example” Malvern area.”

I try to show my personality in my responses so they get a feel for who I am and also what I am looking for. I don’t want to waste my time going to meet someone for coffee if I find out he has no job, missing teeth (mouth closed in pic), and 4 kids from 3 different women (that has happened to me btw, a story for another time! 🙂 )

So don’t be afraid to ask what you want to know and what is important to you. You also need to consider what is unacceptable to you, what are the deal breakers….for me it is if they are a smoker, I wont meet them at all.

It is funny though…….what my deal breakers were 11 years ago have probably halved as I realised I was being too harsh and the deal breakers really weren’t deal breakers, so don’t have too many expectations, but don’t lower your standards either. When the right guy comes along, even if only for a short period of time there is nothing better than butterflies in the stomach and the excitement of receiving a text or call from him.

So many times I have been on dates and thought after the first date….hmmmm there is something about him, I need to see him again…….usually after the second or even third date you will know if there is some chemistry there, don’t try to force it, and remember, once men are over the age of 35 or even 30,( if they have been married), you CANNOT change him! You have to accept this guy for who he is now as he is who he is, just like you are who you are and will not change either, nor should you! 🙂

Happy Dating! 🙂

THE FIRST DATE…….

So you have been chatting to your date now via txt and spoken on the phone and you have decided to meet for a coffee or drink.

I think it best to always have the control….you choose where to go, somewhere you feel comfortable, where it is busy yet quiet enough to still be able to chat. Allow an hour and mention that you only have an hour that way you can escape if you need to if it is not going well, and if it is going well and you want to stay longer just say it was nothing imperative and all is good!Featured image

Always take your own car! Never agree to be picked up no matter how much you “think you know him”!

Before you leave to go to your meeting place, to be safe, just tell a friend what you are doing and where you are going. Also give your friend his phone number. I always call before I leave to make sure he is running on time as you do not want to be stood up or left waiting for a long period!

This is a lesson I have learnt……. I was speaking to a guy once and we agreed to meet in the city at a bar, I hadn’t spoken to him on the phone prior to leaving, as the arrangement was only made a few hours earlier. When I got to the bar I called him to see if he was already there as I couldn’t see him. He then told me that he had left a message on my RSVP page asking to confirm the meeting. As I didn’t confirm he made other plans!! When I checked my messages on RSVP there it was! He could have txt me! I was very disappointed that I got ready on a week night for an 8.00pm date, drove 30 mins only to find I was stood up! So I have never gone on a date without confirming via a call (not a txt) since!

What to wear……something smart casual, don’t wear a top too low cut unless you just want him for sex! If you are looking for a potential relationship dress stylish and for the venue  you are going to. Jeans and a nice t-shirt or shirt, jacket etc

Don’t commit to dinner for a first date, another lesson I learnt….

I spoke to this guy for a few days and thought he appeared nice.  I said yes to his dinner invitation only to find that he swore like a trooper, had a funny smell, ate carbonara pasta and the sauce dripped all over his chin, he didn’t wipe it and when he spoke I noticed he had parsley  stuck in his teeth!!! To top the night off his credit card didn’t work and I was left paying for the bill!!!!

So just a drink or coffee to start with, confirm the date before you leave to go, I also call when I arrive and ask if he is there yet? If he is a gentleman he will be waiting for you out the front or out the front of a shop close by so you can greet each other, a little peck on the cheek is acceptable,( or shake his hand) and walk in together!

I like to notice if he is chivalrous, as that is important to me, but it may not be too you. I look at the way he dresses, holds himself, looks at me, I take a lot in, in the first 30 seconds! Sometimes I want to run in the opposite direction before we have sat down ( but I don’t) and other times I think “this is a good start!”  …….I have been known to receive an emergency txt from my sick child, but I always stay at least 30 mins to be courteous.

My opinion is that when you meet for a coffee or a drink he should pay, you can shout the next coffee! 🙂

At the end of the meeting again either a peck on the cheek (or lips if it went well) or shake his hand if didn’t!

Enjoy your date!