“ARE OUR EXPECATIONS TOO HIGH IN THE DATING WORLD?”

After being single such a long time, 14 years, and only having a few short term relationships, it has often come up in conversation, mostly with married people, that my expectations are too high!

Hmmmmmm……

I don’t think they are, in fact I think my expectations have waned due to the fact I am reaching the top of the pyramid and there is not much up there, I feel I am at the top of the pear tree…all the younger fresh fruit is at the bottom and ripe for picking, snatched up very quickly, the mid range of the tree is nice, few blemishes but that’s ok, then the top of the tree……the fruit has been picked at by birds, chewed up and spat out, it has gone rotten, some have fallen on the ground , been trode on, and the few pieces of fruit left hanging on the top of the tree have so many things wrong with them that no one wants them…they are left in the sun, start shrivelling up , and harden so much that you need a nutcracker to get inside!2e8057fbdf76f437720e410c6ad97929

That is a true analogy of dating over 50. Hence why I am attracted to younger guys, the middle of the tree, they have had some rough times, but mostly seem to get over it ok, lower branches are still appealing just to remember what fresh fruit is like, very refreshing as they want no hassles, are fun, and nothing is an issue, so chilled and relaxed.

I am looking for a man I can connect with, and honestly his age is really not an issue for me, if I find a guy that is in his 60’s then that is fine, however if I find a guy in his late 30’s or early 40’s society says no no no! What is the chance of finding a man not only that I am physically attracted too but mentally stimulated by in their late 50’s to early 60’s…remember this is the top of the tree…not much up there and to find a connection well you  have to be damn lucky! And then if you do connect on those levels, does he take medication? Most men, in my experience, have either got depression, bipolar, bitterness inside because of their ex, children who don’t talk to them, very young children (under 10), or they have no energy , are very negative and dress like 80 year olds!!!!

For all you married people out there, not only do I hope you realise the “grass is NOT greener” but you have no fu..k .ng idea what it is like in the dating world! Yes we can have fun and go out with different men, and have the butterflies in our tummy that you haven’t felt in years, and I’m sure you realise from my blog so far so very funny and Baby-shaped-pears-Chinaweird experiences ,however this is all short lived, to be able to come home to a man who you know adores you deep down, cares about you, talks about your day, someone to go to dinner with, just sit quietly on the couch with, talk about the future with……..this is missing in my life and many single’s life, both male and female, and most of us long for this again.

However in saying all of this, we also wont settle, I would prefer to be single and happy (albeit at times lonely) than be in an unhappy relationship!

article-2451020-1882CEE2000005DC-330_634x675Maybe I do want it all, the cute guy that when I look at him I just want to jump his bones, Yes this will wane over time, but I want it in the beginning, I want him to think the same about me, I want to be able to talk to him for hours about my inner most secrets and thoughts (no not my sexual fantasies, head out the gutter! lol..or actually yeah that too! 😉 ), similar interests, a love for family, plans for the future, someone to travel with but mostly a man I can be myself with and laugh till my belly hurts!  Married friends…is this asking too much?? Do you really think that this is high expectations?

It probably is for the top of the tree…..however the middle and the lower article-0-094BCA38000005DC-473_468x598branches……..think I will head down there and try my luck !!!

🙂 🙂

Happy Dating! 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

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” HOW DO YOU KNOW IF HE IS INTO YOU? “

This is a question we have all asked ourselves….and we never ask it about men who we are not into, we don’t care if they are into us as we are not into them!……For most of “us gals” we always seem to want the one that isn’t into us…….but sometimes they are! 🙂

How do you know?…….

I have gone on many dates, some have been amazing, the mental stimulation was there, the physical attraction was there, we left each other with a kiss on the cheek and him saying he would like to take me out again….the butterflies were there, the excitement that “wow” finally I have met “the one!”……we go out again, have a lovely time, and I am liking him more than ever, we are laughing having a great night, then it comes to the kiss goodbye, not on the cheek but a bit more of a pash! Oh yeah it’s good…( a kiss has to be good!)  Ok I think he likes me, I like him…. and then I never hear from him again!!! WTF???…….I start being the stalker, txting him, how is your day?  I may get one or two word answers, I start making up excuses for him, oh he must be busy, oh he has his kids this week, oh he is away for work……NO NO NO…He just is NOT into YOU!thC4NLP9KR

Why the change, why was it so good for you and not for him??

We are wired differently, however I experienced this in the reverse, so I can now sort of (could never fully) understand a mans way of thinking!! ( I should be a millionaire with this revelation! Who thought that a woman could understand a man!! hahahaha)

I met a lovely man a few years ago, he treated me like a princess, took me out, was very chivalrous, would call me all the time, I didn’t need to ask, I KNEW he was into me, his actions were louder than words, but here is the switch, most women would be so happy with this, but for me, something was missing, when he called me ALL the time, I started ignoring his calls and not answering until I had to, I didn’t respond to EVERY text, I was cutting our conversations short, I liked this guy, he was lovely, but what was it???? No matter how much I wanted it there, that animal attraction, that chemical attraction, the  Grrrrr I want to jump your bones, just wasn’t there! It was sad to me………I think I was becoming a man!!! This is what they do to us!! So maybe that is it….they really like you, but something is missing so they don’t want to pursue it anymore?

When I look back on some relationships (short) I could see how I was so into the guy, and him just not that much into me, didn’t return my texts all the time, I would make excuses for him, as I would never want to think it was ME! I’m wonderful, how could he not be into me??? lol, ….but when the right one comes along….You will know as it will slap you in the face!

I have a girlfriend who met her partner on RSVP, the first date they had together he was ga ga all over her, he even wanted to meet me and asked me what he could do to have her as a girlfriend. He clearly was and still is so into her, she never once has had to question his feelings for her, his actions have clearly spoken to her. Five years down the track they are still madly in love.

My best friend from High School met her partner on RSVP, at first she thought he was nice, she needed a second date to see what she thought of him, since that second date they have barely been apart and it is now close to 10 years! They also had 2 small children each and all moved in together like The Brady Bunch and it worked! Everyone got along and still does! He adores her and tells her this, and leaves her beautiful messages, she has never had to question if he is into her, he loves her with all his heart.thE29RR4X4

I have experienced it only once, recently, the difference I found is that my feelings were reciprocated! I have never felt like this with any guy I have dated, we just couldn’t stop staring at each other from the moment we had our first coffee date, we held hands straight away, we literally did not want to leave each other, it was sickening…but ASWESOME!!! We spoke for hours on the phone everyday that we were not seeing each other, it couldn’t be sustained, but it was so good, to have someone feel about you the way you feel about them was such an awesome feeling, and one I hadn’t felt for a long, long, time. This relationship, sadly and unfortunately had to end due to other reasons beyond either of our control, and it was devastating to both of us, however I now have the benchmark of what I am looking for and also the knowledge of knowing the signs to know ” Is he into me!”

You should never have to make excuses for him and you should never have to ask yourself “Is He Into Me?” You will know in your heart….Couples-In-Love-26

Happy Dating! 🙂

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“THE BUNNY BOILER & THE COP!”

A little bit of continuance on my last blog about scammers…..you also need to be wary of nutters! Many of them, on the Internet dating sites and in the street to be honest! I have been accused of being one, WTF, we all know THAT isn’t true!! hahaha , I have had my nutter moments and my friends know of Psycho Miss T when she is pushed but that is another blog! Anyway….

With my full time job, my mobile phone number is publicised on websites and ads, last year I had a guy msg me and ask me if I wanted to go on a date for dinner and the movies, he knew my first name and I assumed I had met him off a dating site and had forgotten about him! So many men I talk to,  so little time to remember them all! lol At the time I was in a relationship and told this guy thanks but no thanks! As it turned out unbeknownst to me I started talking to him on Plenty of Fish (POF) recently, he seemed nice, cute photos, then we exchanged phone numbers and as I entered his, the text appeared from 8 months ago about dinner and the movie! I certainly didn’t recognise his photos and asked him if we had spoke before? He couldn’t remember and then when I sent him the prior text he remembered that he had contacted me off my work website as he liked my photo!!! Stalker!!! He actually told me that “this is every stalkers dream” I stalked you on a website and now we are talking via an internet dating site!! I was sort of flattered but a bit apprehensive too, he started telling me that he has a pet bunny rabbit , this guy was 46 btw, he started emailing me photos of his bunny rabbit, his email name was Bunnylove, then he told me he slept with a stuffed bunny rabbit!!! how-to-draw-a-bunny-6-5Ok alarm bells were ringing, red flags flying, and this guy knows my mobile and where I work! Ok stay calm, be nice, he wanted to meet and I was curious but my common sense stepped in and said no you idiot do not meet  this bunny guy!! So I let him down nicely saying that I had caught up with my ex and we were going to try again! (good excuse to use because if they are a crazy then they know a man is going to be around!) Well for the next few days I kept receiving abusive, degrading texts! I didn’t respond as I didn’t want him turning up at my work, and in the end I blocked him! I never even met this guy, imagine how he would have reacted if I met him??

I was telling a friend of mine about this, he is a police officer, one of those special ones who gears up when the really bad stuff happens, and a guy I dated for a short time! (looks cute in uniform! lol) We are still friends, we talk and catch up from time to time, I don’t like to have bad blood with anyone I have dated, life is too short, and this guy, the cop makes me laugh so much! So when I was telling him about the bunny boiler, he told me that on Facebook, you can type a persons mobile number into the Search bar and their profile will come up! I didn’t know this, so you can now see if the guy you are talking to on the phone is really him! It does only work if their number is on their Facebook account, and in my friends words, men are dumb and will have their number on there! So girls, remove your number off your Facebook account!

When I met my friend the cop, we met on a dating site, we chatted for a while and decided to meet for a drink. We met out the front of  this cute bar, he was such a gentleman, ordered a cheese platter and a beautiful bottle of wine, we were having great conversation for around 2 hours, then he realised the time had gotten away, as he surprised me and had bought gold class tickets for a movie! What a guy!  I felt really comfortable with him so I got in his car with him to head to the theatre. Once in there we didn’t get to see much of the movie as he was just so kissable! haha…we decided to leave 30 mins into the movie and go parking! I felt like a teenager again! man-and-woman-having-romantic-time-in-carHe drove to a park where we stopped and jumped in the back seat, it was getting a little amorous, a few pieces of clothing had been removed, the windows had fogged up and then we saw head lights behind us. At first we thought it was someone else “parking”, until we got the tap on the window with a torch from a female police officer!!! OMFG!!!  I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry! My friend quickly put on his t-shirt and jumped out barefoot saying “It’s Ok, I’m a cop!” hahahaha What the?? He did some fast, smooth talking and we were fortunate that they hadn’t done their job properly and entered his rego into their system! He could have lost his job I found out later! I could hear the two police officers laughing, and at this stage I was feeling embarrassed and had sunk soooo low into the back seat! He got back in the car, we put on the demister so we could see and just started laughing! How old are we?????

It doesn’t matter! You are never too old to have fun and a great night of laughs! Just be safe! The two of us have a story and memories of such a fun crazy night, and we laugh about it over a bottle of red each time we catch up!

Live life, enjoy, dating can be laborious, embrace it,  along the way to finding “the one”  you can meet people that you will have a life time friendship with, secrets, and lots of laughs, I know I have!

Happy Dating 🙂

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“WHEN SHOULD YOU MEET?”

After Internet Dating for nearly 14 years, ( on and off by the way, I am not a complete serial dater, however my friends may think differently! 🙂 ) I have tried many different ways – chat online then meet in a couple of days, chat online then meet straight away, chat online, text and phone for weeks before meeting….so many different scenarios and which one is the best one?

Through Trial and many Errors this is the way I find best :

Chat online, text on mobile, talk on mobile, then meet – I prefer to do all of this, if possible within 2-3 days and no longer than a week, and I will tell you why shortly.

I have a close girlfriend who has been Internet Dating around 8 years, we talk every couple of days and always have “war stories” for each other. Early days of Internet dating she never wanted to take my advice, to meet within 3 days, she preferred to build rapport, gauge a sense of who they are before she felt comfortable to meet, this banter would go on for weeks as she would wait for him to ask her out, did she get asked out? Yes sometimes and sometimes not. Most of the time she was left feeling disillusioned and disappointed, let me tell you why……keyboard

When we speak to someone we haven’t met before we conjure up in our mind how we imagine them to be in person. The more you speak with them on message or text the more you will think they are amazing, then when you hear his or her voice you can sometimes be let down. I was messaging with a handsome 6’3″, 46 year old man who was fit, great physique, big arms & shoulders, just what I like, he sounded lovely by message and I thought all my Christmases had come at once…until I heard his voice on the phone…..he sounded like a girl! Very high pitched and it completely changed the way I saw him. Is this shallow? Maybe it is, but I imagined him to have the deepest, sexiest, mucho voice and I was disappointed, but disappointed in myself in not talking to him earlier. I did meet him for coffee and he was lovely and I didn’t even worry about the sound of his voice in person, he just wasn’t right for me.

So we chat online, text on mobile, then talk on mobile , all is sounding great so why not meet? You may want to keep talking to feel comfortable, like my girlfriend – (who by the way, through experience, now meets within 2-3 days!) there maybe extenuating circumstances as to why you cant meet such as work, kids, etc. But, if you cannot find the time to meet within a week, do you or they, really have time to date?

I like to get to the point quite quickly, life is too short to waste on the wrong guy,  after the initial banter – see my blog – “What to say to get the conversation started” – if they don’t suggest to text or phone I will, I will send a text and after texting will ask if they mind if I call. Some men do not wish to be too forward, but I want to be in control of the situation I don’t want it to drag out, so I will even suggest to meet for a coffee if they don’t suggest it first. date3

One experience I had in the early days, within the first 6 months, of Internet Dating I was chatting online and on the phone to a man who sounded amazing, we had similar values, we laughed, we talked on the phone for hours, we had so much in common but he lived an hour from me. He had his kids every 2nd weekend, and had to go away for work, so this meant we were talking on the phone for over 3 weeks before we met! Over the three weeks of talking, this guy was like a knight in shining armour to me, he was my prince, the man who was going to be the one I would live happily ever after with, I was so excited to meet him!

We arranged to meet at a café, he drove the hour to see me, and we both discussed that if things were going well the date would go into lunch. I was expecting this to happen and even roll into dinner too as he was going “to be the one”!!!!

I was sitting at an outdoor table at the café , and I saw a man walk around the corner around 20 metres away, and I was saying to myself …please let this NOT be him, PLEASE let this not be him, he was hunched over when he was walking, not this strong Knight I was imagining, he had made no effort in his appearance and wore a crinkled T-shirt, and shorts that looked like they were 2 sizes too small and to top this off he was wearing socks with sandals!!!!  (please remember, this guy was 35 at the time, not my dads age!!)….yes you can change a mans dress sense, but this wasn’t what I was imagining after 3 weeks of phone conversation!……….Hi…Its You!!! 😦 😦 😦

I knew as soon as I saw him that I was not physically attracted to him, yes more shallow Miss T, but the physical attraction has to be there too!! Suffice to say, we did have coffee that evolved to lunch as we had awesome conversation, but that was it, and I never heard from him again.

My lesson learnt – Why waste time on the wrong guy? Chat online, Text on mobile, Chat on Phone then Meet – If you connect then amazing, if not……..NEXT! 🙂 🙂

Happy chatting 🙂

 

I’M BACK IN THE SADDLE!

23749-Hand-HoldingAfter a 12 month relationship and an 18mth illness I thought it was time to get back on here and inform you gals (and guys) what has been happening, my apologies for being away so long!

As the title says, I am back in the saddle, back on the dating sites, back having coffee dates, lunch dates, flirting, getting butterflies again and then getting frustrated….how many emotions can you go through in one day?? Lol

I will step back to 2015 when I stopped writing…the reason…I met a lovely man on Tinder.

Yes it is possible to have a relationship off Tinder! Not all men on there are looking just for “fun” (short for sex!), some are looking for more (short for lets see how this progresses).

I met him by chance, a lazy Saturday night at home by myself, watching Netflix with a glass of wine and flicking through Tinder in boredom! Don’t get me wrong I love spending time at home on my own, but I also need some amusement and stimulation and I usually get one or the other from Tinder!

Amusement is sometimes seeing the crude photos that are put up, the couples on there looking for a woman to join them, men dressed as women, married men showing only their naked torso trying to entice us, and of course that same old photo.. men petting a tiger in Thailand!

The stimulation is sometimes having a mutual match with a man who actually converses with you and doesn’t drop off the face of the earth, (a term now called Ghosting, but that will be explained at a later date in detail, as you will come across it, if you haven’t already!)

So I had a mutual match with a man from interstate who was visiting my home town of Melbourne, we chatted and decided to meet for a coffee in the morning before he left for the airport. Unfortunately I misunderstood the time he was flying home, he told me 10 and I “assumed” it was 10 at night, but it was 10am and while I was having a lovely Sunday morning sleep- in he was messaging me asking if I was still coming!

So we continued to chat for another 3 weeks, which is very much against my own rule, of meeting quickly to either see if there is a physical connection or move on to the next! He was so besotted he decided to drive down and stay the weekend to meet me! (in a hotel, not with me!) I was very flattered and excited however the night before he was tolaughing-man-and-woman arrive I started to panic….he is driving all this way to meet me, what if I don’t like him, he is here for 3 days and expecting to do things together, what have I got myself into????

Another spanner in the works…..a guy I had been seeing on and off for 12 months, who I had thought was the love of my life, and he broke my heart, contacted me the night before my man was coming down to see me,  declaring his love for me, that he had made a mistake going back his ex and it was me that he wanted!! I hadn’t spoken to him for over 3 months!!! Talk about bad timing………..

I met my interstate man, and he was lovely, such a gentleman, chivalrous, attractive, generous, kind, yet the conversation from the night before with my ex, was in the back of my mind, and so I told this lovely man it wouldn’t work as we lived too far away from each other.

To cut a long story short, he pursued me and wore me down! (not really) and we started dating albeit long distance.

We travelled together, had a lot of fun and laughs, but after 12 months the cracks started to show and I just didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore…..my longest relationship in 14 years……I enjoyed being in a relationship, sharing my day, having someone to do things with, go out with, I had my alone time too which I cherish, but when it ended it lead me to ask myself………Can you get addicted to Internet dating????

Keep smiling 🙂

WHAT DO I SAY TO GET THE CONVERSATION STARTED?

A friend of mine who has nervously just started on the online dating scene asked me this question…..

“What do I say to get the conversation started?”

I like to do one of two things…..

1. Comment on something that I have read in the profile, and also ask an open ended question so he needs to respond,   eg….Hi, I think we may some common interests, I like to snow ski also, where do you usually go to ski?

That should get the conversation flowing, I also like to ask if they are looking for something casual or exploring the chance of a relationship……that way you know up front where you stand. You will probably get asked the same question in return. Be honest as there is no use saying you want a relationship when really you just want to start dating….you can explain you have not been on the site for long and are new to it, everyone has been in your position before so don’t be shy.

2. If there is no profile description, as is the case on some Tinder profiles, I usually start with a compliment about the photo eg. What a great smile you have……….or a basic opener is “Hi, how are you today?” …..then you can follow with questions such as…..How long have you been on here for? Have you had many dates? How did they go? What do you do for fun? Do you have children, if so how old?

Men DO NOT like being asked how tall they are, if they over 6′ they don’t care, but men under that seem to have an issue with women asking them. I recently had a guy send me a response of  ” Why are you women so shallow and want to know height???, it shouldn’t matter, every woman asks that question, it is annoying!!” (he was obviously short!) , so I tend to wait until I have maybe moved on to texting or talking on the phone and say something like, Do you mind if I ask your height? I am 5’9″…that way you are telling them about you and they feel obliged to tell you, the same goes for personal questions such as what do you do for work? I am a teacher , or how old are your children? I have a boy 19 and a girl 18, Where do you live?….I always pick a well known suburb close to me and say for example” Malvern area.”

I try to show my personality in my responses so they get a feel for who I am and also what I am looking for. I don’t want to waste my time going to meet someone for coffee if I find out he has no job, missing teeth (mouth closed in pic), and 4 kids from 3 different women (that has happened to me btw, a story for another time! 🙂 )

So don’t be afraid to ask what you want to know and what is important to you. You also need to consider what is unacceptable to you, what are the deal breakers….for me it is if they are a smoker, I wont meet them at all.

It is funny though…….what my deal breakers were 11 years ago have probably halved as I realised I was being too harsh and the deal breakers really weren’t deal breakers, so don’t have too many expectations, but don’t lower your standards either. When the right guy comes along, even if only for a short period of time there is nothing better than butterflies in the stomach and the excitement of receiving a text or call from him.

So many times I have been on dates and thought after the first date….hmmmm there is something about him, I need to see him again…….usually after the second or even third date you will know if there is some chemistry there, don’t try to force it, and remember, once men are over the age of 35 or even 30,( if they have been married), you CANNOT change him! You have to accept this guy for who he is now as he is who he is, just like you are who you are and will not change either, nor should you! 🙂

Happy Dating! 🙂

“I AM READY TO START DATING – WHERE DO I START?”

You are ready! You are over your ex…happy within yourself…and ready to take the leap!Young Romantic Couple Celebrating With Wine Stock Photo

The Dating world has changed a lot over the last 10 years. The old way was meeting someone across the room, your eyes would meet, and a romance would begin……..unless you are under 30 years old the probability of that happening is slim. But it can happen!

The latest way to date is online…..scary yes…but just as scary as going to a bar and talking to some drunk who is probably lying to you & trying to feel you up! There is a lot of stigma around internet dating but that is usually spread by married  or uninformed individuals who are naïve of the “single world”.

If you want to get out there Internet dating is the way to go. There are so many sites that you can view to feel comfortable before you decide to join. Tinder is by far the easiest – just sign in with a Facebook account and away you go….swipe right until your heart is content and if he/she swipes right for you too then you have a match! 🙂 You can start talking straight away and then decide if you want to give out a phone number to talk on the phone next. If you change your mind you can “un match” and they cant contact you again…….easy…….I have met some lovely men on Tinder  but Tinder is known for people who just want a casual hook up…if that is what you want then fine, but if not, make sure you ask them what they are looking for!

I think I joined RSVP around the time is was starting to get popular in Australia. I have been on and off the site for 11 years. I scrolled through the site as a visitor for a while before I felt comfortable in joining. You really do need to put a picture up to get the best contact and there is lots of help on the site to assist you in writing a good profile.

I have several friends both male and female that have met life partners on RSVP! Yes it is possible!  I even met a guy that I ended up going into business with for 6 years, the relationship didn’t work after 3 months but we remained friends and bought a business instead! I have many male friends that I still keep in contact with that I have met through dating sites and a lot of males that I do not want to see ever again! 🙂

Another popular site similar to RSVP is Plenty of Fish (POF), and two other sites to try which are  personality based, you fill in a very large questionnaire, and matches are sent to you according to similarities. These sites are EHarmony & Elite Singles…..there are hundreds of sites out there Match.com, Zoosk etc. You can be on any or all of them if you like. The trick is to find the site that best suits you…….go on get searching! 🙂