“Do Men Really Mean What They Say?”

Sorry Guys, but this blog is all about you and my perception! Bearing in mind that most of my readers are women!

This has happened to me three times now! Three times is NOT a charm …more a life lesson!

Lesson 1 – I meet a man on RSVP, he was very full on in the first few weeks, I felt a bit nervous but decided to go with the flow, before I knew it , he had his toothbrush at my house and was over nearly all the time! I changed my attitude and really enjoyed him being around, my kids loved him (they were 10 & 11 at the time), he took us all to the footy, brainwashed my son to follow his footy team, lol, but we all had a great time together. I remember he would just look at me with so much love. He would do this thing where he would look at me and say “Have I told you today?” and I would say “Nooo” and he would reply ” I love you like nothing else!”. It was cute and sweet and I really felt loved. Around the 3 month mark, I noticed he didn’t look at me the same way anymore, he didn’t say to me “Have I told you today?”, I asked him if he was ok, and if anything was wrong and he said no, all good. He started to not stay over and be at my house as much. After 2 weeks of this noticeably different behaviour, I sat him down and said “Ok, what is up? Have I done something?” His response was No, Its me. I just don’t think I want to be in a relationship! WTF! I was in shock. Was this all fake? Was he pretending? This was a man who thrust himself on me and virtually moved into my house without an invitation! I was very confused and upset and assumed he wanted to end things. But no, he still wanted to see me on his terms, sleep with me on his terms, but NOT be in a untitledrelationship! We even went on a holiday together and he told me he wanted to travel with me, wanted me to meet his family, that I was the woman for him, I met his children, yet I supposedly did nothing wrong! He told me he would come around and be ready for a relationship and wouldn’t want to be in one with anyone but me, but hey…he climbed the mountain, saw the view and climbed down, why would he go there again??? Lots of other mountains with different views!!!

We remained friends, one thing about me, anyone I have been connected with I remain friends with, don’t like bad blood with anyone! In-fact we went into business together, and that is a whole other story! lol

Lesson 2 – Around 8 years later I finally met a man I could connect with physically and emotionally – Great conversation, liked to do the same things, he was chivalrous, good family values and had an ex! Again I was a bit reserved with him, but he was texting me everyday, wanting to see me all the time, and we really had a great time together, laughed and spoke about work all the time. He wanted to see me for lunch during the week as often as I could do so, I really thought I had met “The One”, but this one infamous Sunday over a long weekend, we spent the day having drinks, hanging out, laughing, talking, then he said to me “I think YOU are more into this than me!” I had the wind pulled out of my sails…WTF? How could this be any different, was this a façade, thoughts of 8 years ago came flashing back. I laughed it off but was gut-wrenched, Everything that I thought was going to happen was obviously a figment of my cute romantic couples in love kissing hugging girls wallpapers (2)imagination! A lot more events happened that day, with us still hanging out and going out dancing and drinking all night and both of us coming home at 2am to have his EX pounding on the door, wanting him back! She had been spying on us! I felt so uncomfortable and needless to say, he retreated not knowing what he wanted, ending up getting back with her, breaking up, coming back to me, going back to her, this was so ridiculous, but he had like a spell over me, that I kept taking him back…was I longing for this future that I thought we could have together? Maybe, I hadn’t had a connection with anyone but him. 2 Years later, we got back together again. He had split with his ex for good, kept telling me of a future we would have together, holidays, N.Y.E. never apart again, I had my walls up, but slowly, slowly, he broke them down. By saying the most lovely things to me, wanting to take me out, calling me, texting me, telling me he wants me to come to his mates 50th in Vegas, to his daughters wedding in England, and eventually moving in together. Everything sound good? It did to me….however, we went out one afternoon to a show and he seemed distant, we then kicked on at the casino with his daughter and her fiancé and was having a great time. The following day he told me he cannot stop thinking of his ex and he is not ready for a relationship! OMFG……he didn’t want to get back with her, in fact we are still friends today and he hasn’t even spoke to his ex, they were poison together, but he told me he couldn’t see a future with me! I said to him, what about all the things you said to me? He informed me that he said those things as he wanted to picture a happy life in the future!!!! Oh My God….Can I trust anything that comes out of a males mouth??…we didn’t speak for nearly 6 months and I have recently reconnected with him as friends, yeah silly I know!

Lesson 3. Yes it’s painful, you can see it coming cant you? lol

Earlier this year, I met the most amazing man, remember I have been single for 14 years and other than my interstate guy, these 3 men have been the ones who have been most significant to me!

This man and I had the most amazing chemistry together, from the moment we met, we couldn’t be apart, the first day we met, we saw each other twice! For lunch and then for drinks before he had a family dinner, that he he didn’t want to go to, he wanted to stay with me! We would talk on the phone for hours, when we were together we would just stare at each other, it was crazy! I felt like a 16 y.o. school girl when I was with him. lol We had awesome conversation, he was so easy going, he led a busy life, worked 7 days and was a single father to 4 girls, so I could only see him once a week, and he felt guilty about that! However, I understood the demands on him,  and one day with him each week was worth it to me. I really had never had a connection with anyone else like him, he wasn’t drop dead gorgeous, but he was to me, I valued his opinion and he we constantly laughed and had the most amazing time together. We spoke about how you know when the right person comes along, and that this was so right, he supposedly told his girls about me, I never met them as they were a bit fragile, we spoke about being monogamous, he even asked me how I would introduce him to people and I said my Couples-In-Love-26partner and he beamed from ear to ear! He met my friends,  so I thought we were in a relationship, until about 3 months in, I heard those words again, ” I think YOU are more into this than me!” I honestly started spinning out of control, WTF, why would he say all these things if he didn’t mean them? Of course this changed things for me, I started building a wall to protect myself, and eventually we parted due to timing. We were both sad it had to end, but it did. He had no time to see me, and for me those words kept ringing in my ear. I have tried to reconnect with him, as this break up did hurt me a lot, but he has reneged each time, nicely. Maybe he wasn’t the man I thought he was.

Have these experiences left me cynical, scared and not trusting of men’s words? Absolutely!

I try to be me, early on so they know what they are getting into, do I scare them? Am I too full on? But I am a reactive person, so I react to how I am being treated!

In saying this, surprisingly to me, I have had a male tell me that women only tell him what he wants to hear! haha… sounds like karma to me! lol,,,I shouldn’t be like that, maybe it is a male and female trait!

I will still go forward, and look for the man I want to spend my future with, but I will be guarded, at least to the 3 month mark, as that seems to be when the lust, infatuation, love, hopes and dreams wears off for a man and reality sets in!

Happy Dating! 🙂

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” HOW DO YOU KNOW IF HE IS INTO YOU? “

This is a question we have all asked ourselves….and we never ask it about men who we are not into, we don’t care if they are into us as we are not into them!……For most of “us gals” we always seem to want the one that isn’t into us…….but sometimes they are! 🙂

How do you know?…….

I have gone on many dates, some have been amazing, the mental stimulation was there, the physical attraction was there, we left each other with a kiss on the cheek and him saying he would like to take me out again….the butterflies were there, the excitement that “wow” finally I have met “the one!”……we go out again, have a lovely time, and I am liking him more than ever, we are laughing having a great night, then it comes to the kiss goodbye, not on the cheek but a bit more of a pash! Oh yeah it’s good…( a kiss has to be good!)  Ok I think he likes me, I like him…. and then I never hear from him again!!! WTF???…….I start being the stalker, txting him, how is your day?  I may get one or two word answers, I start making up excuses for him, oh he must be busy, oh he has his kids this week, oh he is away for work……NO NO NO…He just is NOT into YOU!thC4NLP9KR

Why the change, why was it so good for you and not for him??

We are wired differently, however I experienced this in the reverse, so I can now sort of (could never fully) understand a mans way of thinking!! ( I should be a millionaire with this revelation! Who thought that a woman could understand a man!! hahahaha)

I met a lovely man a few years ago, he treated me like a princess, took me out, was very chivalrous, would call me all the time, I didn’t need to ask, I KNEW he was into me, his actions were louder than words, but here is the switch, most women would be so happy with this, but for me, something was missing, when he called me ALL the time, I started ignoring his calls and not answering until I had to, I didn’t respond to EVERY text, I was cutting our conversations short, I liked this guy, he was lovely, but what was it???? No matter how much I wanted it there, that animal attraction, that chemical attraction, the  Grrrrr I want to jump your bones, just wasn’t there! It was sad to me………I think I was becoming a man!!! This is what they do to us!! So maybe that is it….they really like you, but something is missing so they don’t want to pursue it anymore?

When I look back on some relationships (short) I could see how I was so into the guy, and him just not that much into me, didn’t return my texts all the time, I would make excuses for him, as I would never want to think it was ME! I’m wonderful, how could he not be into me??? lol, ….but when the right one comes along….You will know as it will slap you in the face!

I have a girlfriend who met her partner on RSVP, the first date they had together he was ga ga all over her, he even wanted to meet me and asked me what he could do to have her as a girlfriend. He clearly was and still is so into her, she never once has had to question his feelings for her, his actions have clearly spoken to her. Five years down the track they are still madly in love.

My best friend from High School met her partner on RSVP, at first she thought he was nice, she needed a second date to see what she thought of him, since that second date they have barely been apart and it is now close to 10 years! They also had 2 small children each and all moved in together like The Brady Bunch and it worked! Everyone got along and still does! He adores her and tells her this, and leaves her beautiful messages, she has never had to question if he is into her, he loves her with all his heart.thE29RR4X4

I have experienced it only once, recently, the difference I found is that my feelings were reciprocated! I have never felt like this with any guy I have dated, we just couldn’t stop staring at each other from the moment we had our first coffee date, we held hands straight away, we literally did not want to leave each other, it was sickening…but ASWESOME!!! We spoke for hours on the phone everyday that we were not seeing each other, it couldn’t be sustained, but it was so good, to have someone feel about you the way you feel about them was such an awesome feeling, and one I hadn’t felt for a long, long, time. This relationship, sadly and unfortunately had to end due to other reasons beyond either of our control, and it was devastating to both of us, however I now have the benchmark of what I am looking for and also the knowledge of knowing the signs to know ” Is he into me!”

You should never have to make excuses for him and you should never have to ask yourself “Is He Into Me?” You will know in your heart….Couples-In-Love-26

Happy Dating! 🙂

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