” HOW DO YOU KNOW IF HE IS INTO YOU? “

This is a question we have all asked ourselves….and we never ask it about men who we are not into, we don’t care if they are into us as we are not into them!……For most of “us gals” we always seem to want the one that isn’t into us…….but sometimes they are! 🙂

How do you know?…….

I have gone on many dates, some have been amazing, the mental stimulation was there, the physical attraction was there, we left each other with a kiss on the cheek and him saying he would like to take me out again….the butterflies were there, the excitement that “wow” finally I have met “the one!”……we go out again, have a lovely time, and I am liking him more than ever, we are laughing having a great night, then it comes to the kiss goodbye, not on the cheek but a bit more of a pash! Oh yeah it’s good…( a kiss has to be good!)  Ok I think he likes me, I like him…. and then I never hear from him again!!! WTF???…….I start being the stalker, txting him, how is your day?  I may get one or two word answers, I start making up excuses for him, oh he must be busy, oh he has his kids this week, oh he is away for work……NO NO NO…He just is NOT into YOU!thC4NLP9KR

Why the change, why was it so good for you and not for him??

We are wired differently, however I experienced this in the reverse, so I can now sort of (could never fully) understand a mans way of thinking!! ( I should be a millionaire with this revelation! Who thought that a woman could understand a man!! hahahaha)

I met a lovely man a few years ago, he treated me like a princess, took me out, was very chivalrous, would call me all the time, I didn’t need to ask, I KNEW he was into me, his actions were louder than words, but here is the switch, most women would be so happy with this, but for me, something was missing, when he called me ALL the time, I started ignoring his calls and not answering until I had to, I didn’t respond to EVERY text, I was cutting our conversations short, I liked this guy, he was lovely, but what was it???? No matter how much I wanted it there, that animal attraction, that chemical attraction, the  Grrrrr I want to jump your bones, just wasn’t there! It was sad to me………I think I was becoming a man!!! This is what they do to us!! So maybe that is it….they really like you, but something is missing so they don’t want to pursue it anymore?

When I look back on some relationships (short) I could see how I was so into the guy, and him just not that much into me, didn’t return my texts all the time, I would make excuses for him, as I would never want to think it was ME! I’m wonderful, how could he not be into me??? lol, ….but when the right one comes along….You will know as it will slap you in the face!

I have a girlfriend who met her partner on RSVP, the first date they had together he was ga ga all over her, he even wanted to meet me and asked me what he could do to have her as a girlfriend. He clearly was and still is so into her, she never once has had to question his feelings for her, his actions have clearly spoken to her. Five years down the track they are still madly in love.

My best friend from High School met her partner on RSVP, at first she thought he was nice, she needed a second date to see what she thought of him, since that second date they have barely been apart and it is now close to 10 years! They also had 2 small children each and all moved in together like The Brady Bunch and it worked! Everyone got along and still does! He adores her and tells her this, and leaves her beautiful messages, she has never had to question if he is into her, he loves her with all his heart.thE29RR4X4

I have experienced it only once, recently, the difference I found is that my feelings were reciprocated! I have never felt like this with any guy I have dated, we just couldn’t stop staring at each other from the moment we had our first coffee date, we held hands straight away, we literally did not want to leave each other, it was sickening…but ASWESOME!!! We spoke for hours on the phone everyday that we were not seeing each other, it couldn’t be sustained, but it was so good, to have someone feel about you the way you feel about them was such an awesome feeling, and one I hadn’t felt for a long, long, time. This relationship, sadly and unfortunately had to end due to other reasons beyond either of our control, and it was devastating to both of us, however I now have the benchmark of what I am looking for and also the knowledge of knowing the signs to know ” Is he into me!”

You should never have to make excuses for him and you should never have to ask yourself “Is He Into Me?” You will know in your heart….Couples-In-Love-26

Happy Dating! 🙂

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“THE BUNNY BOILER & THE COP!”

A little bit of continuance on my last blog about scammers…..you also need to be wary of nutters! Many of them, on the Internet dating sites and in the street to be honest! I have been accused of being one, WTF, we all know THAT isn’t true!! hahaha , I have had my nutter moments and my friends know of Psycho Miss T when she is pushed but that is another blog! Anyway….

With my full time job, my mobile phone number is publicised on websites and ads, last year I had a guy msg me and ask me if I wanted to go on a date for dinner and the movies, he knew my first name and I assumed I had met him off a dating site and had forgotten about him! So many men I talk to,  so little time to remember them all! lol At the time I was in a relationship and told this guy thanks but no thanks! As it turned out unbeknownst to me I started talking to him on Plenty of Fish (POF) recently, he seemed nice, cute photos, then we exchanged phone numbers and as I entered his, the text appeared from 8 months ago about dinner and the movie! I certainly didn’t recognise his photos and asked him if we had spoke before? He couldn’t remember and then when I sent him the prior text he remembered that he had contacted me off my work website as he liked my photo!!! Stalker!!! He actually told me that “this is every stalkers dream” I stalked you on a website and now we are talking via an internet dating site!! I was sort of flattered but a bit apprehensive too, he started telling me that he has a pet bunny rabbit , this guy was 46 btw, he started emailing me photos of his bunny rabbit, his email name was Bunnylove, then he told me he slept with a stuffed bunny rabbit!!! how-to-draw-a-bunny-6-5Ok alarm bells were ringing, red flags flying, and this guy knows my mobile and where I work! Ok stay calm, be nice, he wanted to meet and I was curious but my common sense stepped in and said no you idiot do not meet  this bunny guy!! So I let him down nicely saying that I had caught up with my ex and we were going to try again! (good excuse to use because if they are a crazy then they know a man is going to be around!) Well for the next few days I kept receiving abusive, degrading texts! I didn’t respond as I didn’t want him turning up at my work, and in the end I blocked him! I never even met this guy, imagine how he would have reacted if I met him??

I was telling a friend of mine about this, he is a police officer, one of those special ones who gears up when the really bad stuff happens, and a guy I dated for a short time! (looks cute in uniform! lol) We are still friends, we talk and catch up from time to time, I don’t like to have bad blood with anyone I have dated, life is too short, and this guy, the cop makes me laugh so much! So when I was telling him about the bunny boiler, he told me that on Facebook, you can type a persons mobile number into the Search bar and their profile will come up! I didn’t know this, so you can now see if the guy you are talking to on the phone is really him! It does only work if their number is on their Facebook account, and in my friends words, men are dumb and will have their number on there! So girls, remove your number off your Facebook account!

When I met my friend the cop, we met on a dating site, we chatted for a while and decided to meet for a drink. We met out the front of  this cute bar, he was such a gentleman, ordered a cheese platter and a beautiful bottle of wine, we were having great conversation for around 2 hours, then he realised the time had gotten away, as he surprised me and had bought gold class tickets for a movie! What a guy!  I felt really comfortable with him so I got in his car with him to head to the theatre. Once in there we didn’t get to see much of the movie as he was just so kissable! haha…we decided to leave 30 mins into the movie and go parking! I felt like a teenager again! man-and-woman-having-romantic-time-in-carHe drove to a park where we stopped and jumped in the back seat, it was getting a little amorous, a few pieces of clothing had been removed, the windows had fogged up and then we saw head lights behind us. At first we thought it was someone else “parking”, until we got the tap on the window with a torch from a female police officer!!! OMFG!!!  I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry! My friend quickly put on his t-shirt and jumped out barefoot saying “It’s Ok, I’m a cop!” hahahaha What the?? He did some fast, smooth talking and we were fortunate that they hadn’t done their job properly and entered his rego into their system! He could have lost his job I found out later! I could hear the two police officers laughing, and at this stage I was feeling embarrassed and had sunk soooo low into the back seat! He got back in the car, we put on the demister so we could see and just started laughing! How old are we?????

It doesn’t matter! You are never too old to have fun and a great night of laughs! Just be safe! The two of us have a story and memories of such a fun crazy night, and we laugh about it over a bottle of red each time we catch up!

Live life, enjoy, dating can be laborious, embrace it,  along the way to finding “the one”  you can meet people that you will have a life time friendship with, secrets, and lots of laughs, I know I have!

Happy Dating 🙂

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“BE TRUE TO YOU” – “WATCH OUT FOR SCAMMERS”

One thing I have learnt over the years is to be “true to me”. I am a people pleaser and I would think a happy person, and over the years I have accepted things only to make the other person happy! We have all done it, and that is what makes this world wonderful, made compromises,  however if you are not being true to you and the compromise is to your detriment you really do need to speak up! – But what happens when you do????

I have found my tolerance has decreased on Online Dating and I have become a bit of a sceptic! This is due to the number of scammers and con artists that are trying to fool innocent people via these sites! Their motive….Money!scammertakeingmoney

They have a way on praying on the vulnerable, men & women, telling them they want a relationship, that they have a great job, their photos are gorgeous, and they know just what to say to have you believing every word, they even have you feeling sorry for them due to their circumstances!  The thing about these scammers is that they are not in a rush, they spend time building rapport with you, saying you are just what they are searching for, you have so much in common, they also can, but not always ask for a “Whats app” address or email address and want to get off the sites to speak with you. Why? They will then have your mobile number, and/or your email address.  They will send you numerous different photos, at different times of the day, send you photos of their work, out with friends……..This sounds like normal everyday conversation doesn’t it??….They are good, will even speak with you on the phone, saying they have an accent!

How they intend to get money from you is they may spend weeks or months having you slowly fall them, they say they want to meet, they are overseas on work or interstate and are dying to meet you, they have no one, just you, they set up a day and time, and just before you are due to meet, they have had everything stolen, they cant get to you as they have no money, “if you can send me some money I will then be able to meet you”, they have spent time building trust with you, you think how could this not be real?  but they don’t meet you, but STILL keep in contact with you as they know you will send money. They will make plans to meet, as you are their soulmate, and something else will happen, and ask for money again……Unfortunately I have heard way too many of these stories of women and men losing tens of thousands of dollars to these vial people………..How do you know if they are scamming you or not?

  1. The Grammar is very bad, lots of spelling mistakes, and no flow to their conversation.
  2. They are usually widowed, have no children (or sometimes 1 or two that live with a friend, while they are away working)- so you have empathy for them.
  3. No family, parents have passed or been killed traumatically, there is no-one in their life to assist them.
  4. They “usually” live overseas or work overseas, U.S. Army, Marines, Government job.

If you have noticed any if not all of these, alarm bells should be ringing, red flags flying up everywhere!! Stop talking with them and whoBlock them immediately!!!online-dating-dangers-tips

Don’t think – ohhh but they are so nice, he or she is drop dead gorgeous…NOOOOOOOO!!!Block them and report them immediately!!

They steal peoples identity usually through Facebook, so they have oodles of photos in different situations to send you. I know of two people, one male and one female, that were on a dating site, who are in happy relationships and had no idea that someone was pretending to be them!! The IP address was traced and it came from Nigeria!

I think I would report around 2 of these scammers a week! There are even women messaging women saying that they have found love on this site and are going off of it, however their male friend was looking over their shoulder and saw your profile and asked her to contact you! Nooooooooo a scammer! I have had the same woman contact me twice over a 2 month period, with the exact same message! and she hasn’t gone offline!

I have had a guy really convince me, even spoke to me several times on the phone yet my gut instinct was telling me something wasn’t right, I then googled his mobile number and all these messages came up from women over the last few days, (we had been speaking for 2 weeks), saying that he sucks you in, is a scammer and all the photos that he had sent me, other women had them too and posted them online, saying it was all lies! This guy said he was a mining engineer and sent photos of his workplace to really try to authenticate what he was saying! I know a little about mining and asked him questions, he usually just agreed with me, and I told him about a job opening and he told me he had already applied….a red flag went up! I knew they were not advertising for work yet, but I thought he must know someone! He said he lived in the CBD, and would come home soon! We have a way of not wanting to believe, we defend someone we haven’t even met……why do we do that?????? Do we want it to be real? or do we not want to think that there couldn’t be such mean nasty people out there who have no feelings or empathy for who they are speaking to or care what they are doing?scammers

These people give Internet Dating a bad name! These people are the ones our friends and family only hear about or read about in the paper, and want to concentrate on and tell us we shouldn’t be online dating, you don’t know who you are talking to! That is correct, hence meeting quickly, but hey someone you meet in a bar can be telling you just as many lies, just cause you meet them face to face doesn’t mean they are any better! Friends and family do not seem to want to hear of the thousands of happy people that have met their partners online!

Please be aware of scammers, and be true to you, if your instinct is telling you it doesn’t seem right, listen to it! It is ALWAYS right! Block and move on …….NEXT! 🙂

As I have written about in previous blogs, don’t wait too long to meet, yes sometimes difficulties are there, but if they don’t have time to meet you for a coffee, what chance do you have of them having time to get to know each other face to face!

Sorry this was a more serious blog, but it is getting bad out there and the more people that are aware and blocking and reporting these scammers the better the online dating community will be!

I promise the next blog will have more crazy funny insane stories!….its going to be about a man who loves bunny rabbits and sleeps with a stuffed one! hahaha – stay tuned….

Happy Dating! 🙂

 

“WHEN SHOULD YOU MEET?”

After Internet Dating for nearly 14 years, ( on and off by the way, I am not a complete serial dater, however my friends may think differently! 🙂 ) I have tried many different ways – chat online then meet in a couple of days, chat online then meet straight away, chat online, text and phone for weeks before meeting….so many different scenarios and which one is the best one?

Through Trial and many Errors this is the way I find best :

Chat online, text on mobile, talk on mobile, then meet – I prefer to do all of this, if possible within 2-3 days and no longer than a week, and I will tell you why shortly.

I have a close girlfriend who has been Internet Dating around 8 years, we talk every couple of days and always have “war stories” for each other. Early days of Internet dating she never wanted to take my advice, to meet within 3 days, she preferred to build rapport, gauge a sense of who they are before she felt comfortable to meet, this banter would go on for weeks as she would wait for him to ask her out, did she get asked out? Yes sometimes and sometimes not. Most of the time she was left feeling disillusioned and disappointed, let me tell you why……keyboard

When we speak to someone we haven’t met before we conjure up in our mind how we imagine them to be in person. The more you speak with them on message or text the more you will think they are amazing, then when you hear his or her voice you can sometimes be let down. I was messaging with a handsome 6’3″, 46 year old man who was fit, great physique, big arms & shoulders, just what I like, he sounded lovely by message and I thought all my Christmases had come at once…until I heard his voice on the phone…..he sounded like a girl! Very high pitched and it completely changed the way I saw him. Is this shallow? Maybe it is, but I imagined him to have the deepest, sexiest, mucho voice and I was disappointed, but disappointed in myself in not talking to him earlier. I did meet him for coffee and he was lovely and I didn’t even worry about the sound of his voice in person, he just wasn’t right for me.

So we chat online, text on mobile, then talk on mobile , all is sounding great so why not meet? You may want to keep talking to feel comfortable, like my girlfriend – (who by the way, through experience, now meets within 2-3 days!) there maybe extenuating circumstances as to why you cant meet such as work, kids, etc. But, if you cannot find the time to meet within a week, do you or they, really have time to date?

I like to get to the point quite quickly, life is too short to waste on the wrong guy,  after the initial banter – see my blog – “What to say to get the conversation started” – if they don’t suggest to text or phone I will, I will send a text and after texting will ask if they mind if I call. Some men do not wish to be too forward, but I want to be in control of the situation I don’t want it to drag out, so I will even suggest to meet for a coffee if they don’t suggest it first. date3

One experience I had in the early days, within the first 6 months, of Internet Dating I was chatting online and on the phone to a man who sounded amazing, we had similar values, we laughed, we talked on the phone for hours, we had so much in common but he lived an hour from me. He had his kids every 2nd weekend, and had to go away for work, so this meant we were talking on the phone for over 3 weeks before we met! Over the three weeks of talking, this guy was like a knight in shining armour to me, he was my prince, the man who was going to be the one I would live happily ever after with, I was so excited to meet him!

We arranged to meet at a café, he drove the hour to see me, and we both discussed that if things were going well the date would go into lunch. I was expecting this to happen and even roll into dinner too as he was going “to be the one”!!!!

I was sitting at an outdoor table at the café , and I saw a man walk around the corner around 20 metres away, and I was saying to myself …please let this NOT be him, PLEASE let this not be him, he was hunched over when he was walking, not this strong Knight I was imagining, he had made no effort in his appearance and wore a crinkled T-shirt, and shorts that looked like they were 2 sizes too small and to top this off he was wearing socks with sandals!!!!  (please remember, this guy was 35 at the time, not my dads age!!)….yes you can change a mans dress sense, but this wasn’t what I was imagining after 3 weeks of phone conversation!……….Hi…Its You!!! 😦 😦 😦

I knew as soon as I saw him that I was not physically attracted to him, yes more shallow Miss T, but the physical attraction has to be there too!! Suffice to say, we did have coffee that evolved to lunch as we had awesome conversation, but that was it, and I never heard from him again.

My lesson learnt – Why waste time on the wrong guy? Chat online, Text on mobile, Chat on Phone then Meet – If you connect then amazing, if not……..NEXT! 🙂 🙂

Happy chatting 🙂