“FUN TIME! NOT A LONG TIME!”

I remember I had my first date with a man around 6 months after my husband and I separated, It went well, spoke on the phone, had a coffee date and I must say I thought to myself “Well, the grass IS greener!”

The guy I met was the first guy I had spoken to on RSVP in fact I was scrolling through the site and his profile caught my eye, and he was the reason I signed up so I could send him a “Kiss”. The thing I loved back then was I felt like I was at an all you can eat smorgasbord!!! haha…All these single men, photos, descriptions, yes, yes, no, yes ….wow, couldn’t believe it could be this easy to meet someone, should have left my ex ages ago! (jokes on that)…..There was a lot of lessons I learnt from this one guy, and one of the things was that all men react differently!thC4NLP9KR

I was so naïve, having been with my husband from such a young age, I just expected all men to talk like him, have the same responses, like to do most of the blokey things that he liked to do…….WRONG! I was completely shocked when this guy was responding to things I said, differently to how I expected, how my ex would have reacted…this was one thing that I found hard to wrap my head around that all men are different. And they think us women are complicated! Pfftt…that has certainly changed in my eyes, at least (most) women are complicated in the SAME way! Men are complicated in all different ways- these are some of the confusing comments I have heard,  don’t want to be told what to do- like to be told what to do, if they are romantic, don’t hold my hand in public- No! hold my hand, I will always pay for dinner- You should pay for dinner, Cant wait to go on a holiday with you- I never said that, Lets be monogamous- I certainly didn’t say that, WTF and WE are complicated?? Sometimes I think my head is spinning that much I am going to become Regan in the Exorcist!!! ( I think some men I have dated think I am her anyway!!! hahaha)

I had my best girlfriend staying with me, and she coincidently split with her husband the same time as me, we decided to go out to a bar one night, we were having drinks when these two brothers came up to us, this was really my first encounter with someone trying to “pick me up” we were talking to them, as well as we could, they were Swedish tourists who couldn’t speak English!! It was a stinking hot evening, and we decided we were going back home for a swim in my pool, the tourist brothers decided to come back to, I was so nervous, why would anyone think I am attractive, I’m old I’m 37, no one would want an old hag like me….this is how I felt, and to get attention from these two young guys was so flattering, albeit we couldn’t understand them! haha, so they came back for a swim too and one thing led to another and my girlfriend disappeared with the older brother, he was 29! I was left with the cute 25 year old….my head was spinning, this is flattering, but he is so young, I tried to tell him my age and I have no idea if he understood, I wasn’t going to see him again, he was leaving Australia….so anyway it happened!! It was the worst sex I had ever had!!!

But to realise that I was attractive to a man who was so much younger just gave me the ego boost I needed and my girlfriend felt the same way! We were then unstoppable!!!! haha    Fun Time Not a Long Time!243891-funny-taylor-swift-dating-joke

Anyway, back to my first date, he was 32 and I was nearly 38, I thought at that stage that I wanted to get straight into a relationship, isn’t that what you are meant to do? I had been in and out of relationships since I was 16, I was ready to get back on that horse again! However, 6 years younger, he was a part time model, widower, gorgeous to look at, (with my experience on internet dating alarm bells would have been going off on these things- I will explain this in later blogs) however he was so nice, kind, and said everything I wanted to hear, and I thought to myself, fore sure I could be in a relationship with this guy, I could easily wake up next to him for the rest of my life!

He didn’t take me out for dinner, just always wanted to come to my house when my kids were at my ex’s, smooch on the couch, and of course gradually lead to what all men want…sex, the thing about this guy that surprised me was his smooth operation, he told me he was a widower, even showed me photos of his sick ex, and told me he was nervous to be with someone else as he hadn’t been with anyone else since her passing 12 months earlier. Of course I was the sympathetic ear, and felt so much for him, then I went to the bathroom, walked back to the lounge and he wasn’t there, here he was NAKED on my bed with his hand under his head lying on his side just waiting for me!!!! WTF, so much for being nervous!!!!

And seeing as I had already broken the ice with the young tourist I was up for the challenge!!! haha….at least he was a tad older!

So of course because we had sex, I thought he liked me and wanted a relationship, wrong, he called me a couple of times, was meant to come over for dinner, I offered to cook , didn’t show, and then I didn’t hear from him again….I was devastated and couldn’t believe that this nice man would do that! Not so nice!!!…Today I would recognise that he wanted just one thing, back then I thought it was a relationship, but like a lot of men,  he wanted a Fun Time, Not A  Long Time!untitled

I don’t think there is anything wrong with it, and my personal opinion is ,when you get out of a long term serious relationship, you need to get out, let your hair down, feel wanted & attractive, and have different experiences, safely. Its not for everyone, and you need to understand to NOT get attached, Fun Time NOT a Long Time!

 

Happy Dating! 🙂

I’M BACK IN THE SADDLE!

23749-Hand-HoldingAfter a 12 month relationship and an 18mth illness I thought it was time to get back on here and inform you gals (and guys) what has been happening, my apologies for being away so long!

As the title says, I am back in the saddle, back on the dating sites, back having coffee dates, lunch dates, flirting, getting butterflies again and then getting frustrated….how many emotions can you go through in one day?? Lol

I will step back to 2015 when I stopped writing…the reason…I met a lovely man on Tinder.

Yes it is possible to have a relationship off Tinder! Not all men on there are looking just for “fun” (short for sex!), some are looking for more (short for lets see how this progresses).

I met him by chance, a lazy Saturday night at home by myself, watching Netflix with a glass of wine and flicking through Tinder in boredom! Don’t get me wrong I love spending time at home on my own, but I also need some amusement and stimulation and I usually get one or the other from Tinder!

Amusement is sometimes seeing the crude photos that are put up, the couples on there looking for a woman to join them, men dressed as women, married men showing only their naked torso trying to entice us, and of course that same old photo.. men petting a tiger in Thailand!

The stimulation is sometimes having a mutual match with a man who actually converses with you and doesn’t drop off the face of the earth, (a term now called Ghosting, but that will be explained at a later date in detail, as you will come across it, if you haven’t already!)

So I had a mutual match with a man from interstate who was visiting my home town of Melbourne, we chatted and decided to meet for a coffee in the morning before he left for the airport. Unfortunately I misunderstood the time he was flying home, he told me 10 and I “assumed” it was 10 at night, but it was 10am and while I was having a lovely Sunday morning sleep- in he was messaging me asking if I was still coming!

So we continued to chat for another 3 weeks, which is very much against my own rule, of meeting quickly to either see if there is a physical connection or move on to the next! He was so besotted he decided to drive down and stay the weekend to meet me! (in a hotel, not with me!) I was very flattered and excited however the night before he was tolaughing-man-and-woman arrive I started to panic….he is driving all this way to meet me, what if I don’t like him, he is here for 3 days and expecting to do things together, what have I got myself into????

Another spanner in the works…..a guy I had been seeing on and off for 12 months, who I had thought was the love of my life, and he broke my heart, contacted me the night before my man was coming down to see me,  declaring his love for me, that he had made a mistake going back his ex and it was me that he wanted!! I hadn’t spoken to him for over 3 months!!! Talk about bad timing………..

I met my interstate man, and he was lovely, such a gentleman, chivalrous, attractive, generous, kind, yet the conversation from the night before with my ex, was in the back of my mind, and so I told this lovely man it wouldn’t work as we lived too far away from each other.

To cut a long story short, he pursued me and wore me down! (not really) and we started dating albeit long distance.

We travelled together, had a lot of fun and laughs, but after 12 months the cracks started to show and I just didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore…..my longest relationship in 14 years……I enjoyed being in a relationship, sharing my day, having someone to do things with, go out with, I had my alone time too which I cherish, but when it ended it lead me to ask myself………Can you get addicted to Internet dating????

Keep smiling 🙂

WHAT DO I SAY TO GET THE CONVERSATION STARTED?

A friend of mine who has nervously just started on the online dating scene asked me this question…..

“What do I say to get the conversation started?”

I like to do one of two things…..

1. Comment on something that I have read in the profile, and also ask an open ended question so he needs to respond,   eg….Hi, I think we may some common interests, I like to snow ski also, where do you usually go to ski?

That should get the conversation flowing, I also like to ask if they are looking for something casual or exploring the chance of a relationship……that way you know up front where you stand. You will probably get asked the same question in return. Be honest as there is no use saying you want a relationship when really you just want to start dating….you can explain you have not been on the site for long and are new to it, everyone has been in your position before so don’t be shy.

2. If there is no profile description, as is the case on some Tinder profiles, I usually start with a compliment about the photo eg. What a great smile you have……….or a basic opener is “Hi, how are you today?” …..then you can follow with questions such as…..How long have you been on here for? Have you had many dates? How did they go? What do you do for fun? Do you have children, if so how old?

Men DO NOT like being asked how tall they are, if they over 6′ they don’t care, but men under that seem to have an issue with women asking them. I recently had a guy send me a response of  ” Why are you women so shallow and want to know height???, it shouldn’t matter, every woman asks that question, it is annoying!!” (he was obviously short!) , so I tend to wait until I have maybe moved on to texting or talking on the phone and say something like, Do you mind if I ask your height? I am 5’9″…that way you are telling them about you and they feel obliged to tell you, the same goes for personal questions such as what do you do for work? I am a teacher , or how old are your children? I have a boy 19 and a girl 18, Where do you live?….I always pick a well known suburb close to me and say for example” Malvern area.”

I try to show my personality in my responses so they get a feel for who I am and also what I am looking for. I don’t want to waste my time going to meet someone for coffee if I find out he has no job, missing teeth (mouth closed in pic), and 4 kids from 3 different women (that has happened to me btw, a story for another time! 🙂 )

So don’t be afraid to ask what you want to know and what is important to you. You also need to consider what is unacceptable to you, what are the deal breakers….for me it is if they are a smoker, I wont meet them at all.

It is funny though…….what my deal breakers were 11 years ago have probably halved as I realised I was being too harsh and the deal breakers really weren’t deal breakers, so don’t have too many expectations, but don’t lower your standards either. When the right guy comes along, even if only for a short period of time there is nothing better than butterflies in the stomach and the excitement of receiving a text or call from him.

So many times I have been on dates and thought after the first date….hmmmm there is something about him, I need to see him again…….usually after the second or even third date you will know if there is some chemistry there, don’t try to force it, and remember, once men are over the age of 35 or even 30,( if they have been married), you CANNOT change him! You have to accept this guy for who he is now as he is who he is, just like you are who you are and will not change either, nor should you! 🙂

Happy Dating! 🙂

“I AM READY TO START DATING – WHERE DO I START?”

You are ready! You are over your ex…happy within yourself…and ready to take the leap!Young Romantic Couple Celebrating With Wine Stock Photo

The Dating world has changed a lot over the last 10 years. The old way was meeting someone across the room, your eyes would meet, and a romance would begin……..unless you are under 30 years old the probability of that happening is slim. But it can happen!

The latest way to date is online…..scary yes…but just as scary as going to a bar and talking to some drunk who is probably lying to you & trying to feel you up! There is a lot of stigma around internet dating but that is usually spread by married  or uninformed individuals who are naïve of the “single world”.

If you want to get out there Internet dating is the way to go. There are so many sites that you can view to feel comfortable before you decide to join. Tinder is by far the easiest – just sign in with a Facebook account and away you go….swipe right until your heart is content and if he/she swipes right for you too then you have a match! 🙂 You can start talking straight away and then decide if you want to give out a phone number to talk on the phone next. If you change your mind you can “un match” and they cant contact you again…….easy…….I have met some lovely men on Tinder  but Tinder is known for people who just want a casual hook up…if that is what you want then fine, but if not, make sure you ask them what they are looking for!

I think I joined RSVP around the time is was starting to get popular in Australia. I have been on and off the site for 11 years. I scrolled through the site as a visitor for a while before I felt comfortable in joining. You really do need to put a picture up to get the best contact and there is lots of help on the site to assist you in writing a good profile.

I have several friends both male and female that have met life partners on RSVP! Yes it is possible!  I even met a guy that I ended up going into business with for 6 years, the relationship didn’t work after 3 months but we remained friends and bought a business instead! I have many male friends that I still keep in contact with that I have met through dating sites and a lot of males that I do not want to see ever again! 🙂

Another popular site similar to RSVP is Plenty of Fish (POF), and two other sites to try which are  personality based, you fill in a very large questionnaire, and matches are sent to you according to similarities. These sites are EHarmony & Elite Singles…..there are hundreds of sites out there Match.com, Zoosk etc. You can be on any or all of them if you like. The trick is to find the site that best suits you…….go on get searching! 🙂